Friday, May 8, 2009

Riding the Waves


Yesterday while on the phone with a wise friend she said, "Sounds like you are riding the waves. You can feel the motion changing, but you just can't control it." It sounded so easy when she said it. At least I could understand why I had been feeling a bit "seasick" lately.

Even though I have lived within driving distance of the "shore" in New Jersey, the "ocean" in California, or the "beach" in North Carolina and Alabama, I have never tried surfing. Nothing about it appealed to me. Standing, (if you ever get to that part) on a skinny board, tossed about wildly, wondering if sharks are lurking below is of absolutely no interest to me. Why would I want my life to be like that?

Yet I wonder if we aren't always surfing--feeling the motion changing around us. I decided to check out surfing tips on the web hoping they would help me ride some of the waves I am on right now. I went to chiff.com and found some great stuff!
  • Mark the balance point. Basically, this sounds like using trial and error to find where you can best balance while lying down on the board. There was an important note about this step...when you reach balance, take note of where that point is . Hmmm-
  • Paddle with one arm at a time. Apparently, this allows for you to maintain a consistent speed so you can catch the wave. (I guess as opposed to being pummeled by it.) Going full-speed with both arms is detrimental to control.
  • Be calm and stay still when first trying to sit on the board. Wow! This is SO Fr. Keating. "The less movement you make, the easier it is to do this (sit on the board). All the other skills of surfing will improve as you learn to be 'calm' while surfing." I guess that means making radical, reactionary changes will knock us off our boards.
  • When you come up, remember to keep low. Assume a position of a sumo wrestler. I have no idea how this might translate to riding life's waves, but I love the visual.
  • Practice this for hours. So those trips to the zafu cushion to meditate or the yoga mat to practice must be of some benefit in this life wave surfing thing.
OK-I'm not as afraid of surfing as I was before and I actually feel like I know this stuff when it comes to riding life's waves. I am grateful to chiff.com for the reminder! Surf's up!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Leaning Into the Hard Stuff

Driving home from the academic awards ceremony from Brendan and Kiki's high school, I complained to Malcolm about how adding the 7th and 8th graders to the agenda was a bad idea. The ceremony was nearly 2 1/2 hours long and it felt like this year, the year my children are seniors, the seniors were short-changed.

I told Malcolm after 4 years of watching the parade of seniors walking up to claim their prize, this year's scholarship recognition ceremony felt rushed. I said my issue was wanting to see how these students we have known and loved for 4 years did in the scholarship race. Malcolm, the wise soul that he is, didn't say much. Being married to a peri-menopausal woman who is about to lose both her babies is a dangerous job. I notice he is quiet about a lot of things these days.

Anyway, this morning when Daisy and I were on our morning jaunt those same feelings of anger/resentment rose up again about what I thought was a "botched" job. At the 1/2 mile mark I was feeling pretty self-righteous about the whole thing. A mile later, doubt crept in. Perhaps the ceremony was wonderful just the way it was. In fact, maybe it wasn't all those other seniors I was worried about, only my seniors. Ouch! It was true. I was more interested in the accolades I wanted my children to receive than I was the benefit of the entire the community. Gross! I am one of those moms who seeks gratification through her children. I really think it would be much easier to pass through this life unconscious sometimes.

Contemplative Outreach teaches a beautiful prayer, called the Welcoming Prayer. It allows one to "dance with her demons." The "dance" begins with the intention to consent to the presence and action of the indwelling Spirit, followed by 3 parts:
first, notice the uncomfortable sensation in your body; second, welcome and name the uncomfortable sensation/feeling (in my case, "pride"); and finally, release it by saying:
  • I let go of my desire for CONTROL/POWER
  • I let go of my desire for AFFECTION/ESTEEM
  • I let go of my desire for SECURITY/SURVIVAL
  • I let go of my desire to CHANGE (this situation, feeling, emotion, thought, commentary, body sensation, or event)
It is one of the most counter-intuitive responses to difficult emotions I can imagine. Yet it is powerful and it has helped me countless time "be with" anger, fear, greed, you name it, and eventually the hold the emotion has on me seems to dissipate. It is as if by LEANING INTO the hard stuff we can embrace it...immobilizing its power over us.

Well, it took a few miles, but eventually I was able to own up to my silly need for approval and even forgive myself for being selfish and petty. I felt lighter during that last 1/2 mile and was free to notice the wild daisies that have cropped up everywhere.

If you are interested in learning more about Welcoming Prayer, I encourage you to go to the Contemplative Outreach website . Happy Leaning! Let's face it, we can turn our back on those demons, but eventually they'll catch up to us one way or another. I just wish there weren't so many of them.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Squandering All of Who We Are

"The Spirit of God has made me. The breath of the Almighty gives me life." Job 33:4 Early this morning I read the preceding passage and decided to stay with it lectio divina style. Each reading moved me deeper into soft spaces within, an opening to softness which has been illusive lately.

In the Buddhist tradition one is taught to be grateful for this precious life; that it is a privilege to embody the human form as opposed to that of a frog, or a dog, or an ant. (Although the way our yellow lab Daisy, and orange kitty Speedy are treated, I am not so sure they haven't drawn the better straw.) In any case, during my meditation time waves of gratitude washed over me as I tried to comprehend the unlikely event of my ever being born...the gift of continuing to breathe each breath.

My prayer moved from one of gratitude to that of resolve, "I will not squander my precious life." And yet, how does one not squander a life? I made a list:
  • love unconditionally
  • forgive generously
  • smile often
  • abide the wisdom of small children and the elderly
  • give thanks
  • share your gifts with reckless abandon
  • face your demons lest they run your life
  • when you hear the voice of judgment, either in your head or on your lips, change your tune...and then forgive yourself for judging
  • work diligently at whatever you do
  • remember what you do is not nearly as important as how you do it...intention is everything
  • dance (maybe even naked under the moon now and then)
  • laugh
  • cry
  • make time for those you love
  • make time for yourself
  • sit in silence with the Divine
  • notice the sparkles on the water after a storm; listen to the tree frogs in the spring; smell the fragrance of gardenias
  • choose to be a blessing
What would you add to the list?

Funny, nothing on this list can be purchased. Yet we live in a material world which requires paying for food, clothes, and shelter-not to mention whirlwind trips to New Orleans (subject of another blog perhaps). Could it be that in the course of our lives, melding the spiritual with the material has more to do with the spirit that we bring to our endeavors? Maybe building in daily reminders that "The Spirit of God has made me. The breath of the Almighty gives me life." helps us to make choices that keep us from squandering this precious life. In fact, I wonder if we wouldn't find ourselves squandering all of who we are in reckless acts of love and generosity, kind of life this guy who poured out all of who he was a coupla thousand years ago.

What do you think?