Day 37: Wu Wei

Malcolm is starting a new job next week. In an effort to create space between his old position, which he held for 15 years, and his new one, he is taking this week off.

In his new role, Malcolm will be the Director of Pastoral Care at UAB Hospital. Ordained as a minister 30 years ago, he has never worn a clerical collar. But Malcolm has been thinking it would be nice to wear one at the hospital so patients, families, and staff would know that he is a minister...kind of like when you see a white coat, you know that person is a doctor.

Yesterday was not the respite Malcolm had hoped for. After numerous hours scouring websites and a trip in to Birmingham visiting three different stores, (with incredibly s-l-o-w help!) Malcolm could not find the shirts and collars he wanted to wear.

A patient soul by nature, he became agitated, frustrated...the shirt search fiasco, the manifestation of any anxiety he had about his new job. When we arrived home late last night he announced, "I think I am just going to wear a shirt and tie and wait to decide about wearing this collar." It seemed like wisdom to me...from the beginning, the shirt search was cause for consternation and questioning.

Also, the shirt search is a stark contrast to Malcolm's taking this new position. He had not been looking for a job; in fact loved his position and the people he had been working with. A phone call from an old friend...an updated resume...numerous discussions that became more and more energizing...job offer...acceptance...

Thinking back on Malcolm's experience, I am reminded of the Taoist term, wu wei (pronounced woo way). In essence, wu wei speaks to effortless action that comes from being tuned in with "the eternal Tao." According to Wikipedia, "the purpose of wu wei is to be aligned with the Tao, and as a result, attain an irresistible form of soft and invisible power."

Rough Christian translation, "Be still and know that I am God," and wait to act from the stillness....connecting with the stirring of the Holy Spirit. But too often in our culture, pushing to get ahead, or rushing to do too much, takes precedence over "effortless action."

How many times have we found ourselves swimming against the current...struggling to create something whose time had not yet come? On the other hand, isn't it profoundly rewarding when, with apparent ease, we feel as if we are swimming downstream?

In the Taoist philosophy, intention is the key. Wu wei is not about inaction, but taking right action at the right time, with right intention. The Tao Te Ching (pronounced Dao De Jing) is a classic Chinese text believed to be written around 6th century B.C. by Lao Tzu. Chapter 2 refers to this concept of wu wei:

The Sage is occupied with the unspoken

and acts without effort.

Teaching without verbosity,

producing without possessing,

creating without regard to result,

claiming nothing,

the Sage has nothing to lose.

When in your life have you felt like you were pushing hard, swimming upstream with great effort? What happened? Are you experiencing that somewhere in your life right now? Could you take time to be still and wait for a sense of right intention, right timing, and right action?

Conversely, when have you experienced "effortless action?" Can you identify some of the qualities of your way of being in that experience? Were there things you did/didn't do that helped create this sense of wu wei?

Take time in prayer...journal about these questions and/or the passage above from the Tao Te Ching and how it relates to your life.

I am happy to report Malcolm is wuing his wei out to enjoy the gorgeous fall weather from the deck...Namaste

For more information on Wu Wei you may want to read this article by Ted Kardash

Day 36: Love God Love Neighbor

In her book, The Desert Mothers, Rev. Mary C. Earle quotes Amma Syncletica as saying, "Salvation is exactly this--the two-fold love of God and of our neighbor."

Sounds familiar doesn't it? Many of us have heard/read Matthew 22:36-40 many times. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and all the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Easy to read...not so easy to live.

Earle contends that one of the perennial truths of the desert tradition was the scriptural description of humanity as being made "in the image and likeness of God." (Genesis 1:26) Maybe this is where we get hung up. Some of the people we come across have done such a great job of covering up their image and likeness of anything good that finding a nugget of God in them is like digging for a single diamond in a 600 acre field.

But dig we must.

Wouldn't it be great if we could only have people around us that we found easy to get along with? People who affirmed us, agreed with us, made us feel so good. Oh, what an easy life that would be!! Not very realistic though.

Dig we must.

I find inspiration in Rachel Naomi Remen's, My Grandfather's Blessings, Remen describes a teaching from the Kabbalah (the mystical teachings of Judaism), "...at some point in the beginning of things, the Holy was broken up into countless sparks, which were scattered throughout the universe. There is a god spark in everyone and in everything, a sort of diaspora of goodness."

Oh, I want to mine this "god spark" and be so bold as to help others to find it in themselves. Hey, that might be part of the answer...if we can believe in our own being created in the image and likeness of God, perhaps it would be easier to find it in others.

It always comes back to practice for me...practical reminders of staying on the path.

When I attended a retreat facilitated by Mary Earle she taught us a beautiful mantra. I love to use it in walking (or running believe it or not) meditation.

If you want to try this, take time, hopefully out in nature (this is also beautiful to practice in a labyrinth or a sanctuary), breathe in a prayer of gratitude, create an intention for your time, then slowly place your left foot on the ground thinking or saying out loud, "Love God." When you intentionally place your right foot on the ground think or say, "Love Neighbor." As you walk, slowly repeat with each footfall, "Love God...Love Neighbor....Love God....Love Neighbor...Love God...Love Neighbor...Love God...Love Neighbor..." Namaste

Note: the term Amma is given to an abbess or a spiritual mother. Isn't it a beautiful word? Who are some of the Ammas in your life? I give thanks for all of mine!

Day 35: Savin' Aint Lovin'

The other day I was with a group of people and someone suggested I might be able to help an organization that was in great need. One of the women at the table jokingly placed her hand in front of her mouth, turning from the other woman saying, "You don't have to be the savior...don't save them!"

When Brendan and Kiki were younger I would frequently want to rescue them from feeling any hurt or pain. Shouldn't I protect them? But sometimes my protecting went well beyond what was healthy for them or healthy for me.

Their first year in a new high school, Brendan was playing football and Kiki had decided not to play a sport that season. Other than Brendan, she didn't know anyone at the school and wanted me to come and pick her up, hang out with her in town until after his practice was over and then drive them both home.

For the first week I accommodated Kiki, but I began to resent the time spent in a coffee shop waiting when I had so many other things I could be doing. The next week I informed Kiki she would have to find something to do on campus until Brendan was finished. She was angry and apprehensive. When 3:15 rolled around on the first day of our new schedule, I had a pit in my stomach; every inch of my being wanted to swoop in and save her from being alone...uncomfortable...scared.

I picked them up at 5:30 and Kiki seemed fine, but would not admit anything positive about her experience. By the end of the week, she had found a cadre of girls to hang out with that four years later continue to be her closest friends.

Of course, sometimes when we choose not to be the hero and fill the void, things don't work out so well. Loved ones struggling with addiction can be particularly difficult. The line between being supportive and standing in the way of the another's growth is razor thin.

When I was going through my divorce, I started to understand that "savin' aint lovin." Also, that my need to be the savior said more about my need to be needed; need to control the situation, than it did about the other person.

Take a few minutes to reflect: Is there someone, or some organization, that you repeatedly feel you need to save? Sit with this for a while...why don't I trust the other to be able to solve this on their own? What am I afraid will happen if I don't rescue? What need am I trying to fulfill by being the savior? How could I do this differently? Be gentle with yourself and the other...this savin'/lovin' confusion is widespread. If we can be honest with ourselves and approach the relationship from a different place, we may find a wonderful new way of truly loving. Namaste

Day 34: OutPouring

Sometimes I hold back...don't fully invest myself in a relationship or a project. Do you ever do that? There are different reasons for hesitating, trust...time...are probably the two biggies.

Cynthia Borgeault tells of Jesus' self-emptying...I like to think of it as OutPouring, with reckless abandon. That doesn't sound safe to me at all, very risky stuff.

What if I pour all of myself into a relationship and that person doesn't live up to my expectations, or they hurt me? Emptying myself sounds like a prescription for burnout.

And yet, others have poured all of themselves into loving me...I have benefited from my mother's love; friends who supported me when I was grieving; Malcolm's unbridled generosity toward Brendan, Kiki, and me.

I have been hurt before because I set up expectations for how I wanted to the other person to respond to my expressions of love. Maybe this OutPouring has more to do with the giving of gifts and nothing to do with keeping track...of getting credit...reciprocation...any expectation of something in return.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to pour out the gifts we have to share...gift of a smile, gift of a compassionate ear, gift of food, gift of healing...any gift, with our sole focus being the OutPouring of what we choose to share? I wonder how much more joyful would be our giving.

Maybe I could avoid burnout if I made sure I only gave what I had to give as opposed to giving what I think I should give. Wow! That would be kinda different.

There is a place in my life where I have been holding back...playing safe...afraid to pour out all of what I have to give. I don't want to be rejected, or hurt, but that self-limiting talk is an affront to the Giver of all gifts. I want to love with reckless abandon, stop counting the costs and waiting for something in return.

Is there a place in your life where you are holding back? Could you be so brave as to Pour Out all that you have with joy and hope and trust that there is great abundance from which you may give? I wish you well in this endeavor, perhaps we could support each other in this consuming way of loving. Namaste.

Day 33: Being With Paradox

When we see our world in "either/or" terms we narrow our vision considerably. It can be easy to make assumptions based upon a small amount of information. Consider politics these days. If you are a Democrat, it has become natural to assume all Republicans are "bad." Republicans do the same in regard to Democrats. This kind of thinking makes for simple sorting, but not a very deep way of being.

The truth is, we are a world of "both/and;" a world of paradox.

Taking the political example one step further...although I may not agree with someone regarding health care, I might find we share a passion for empowering teenagers to be the best they can. But finding that out would require being with the paradox...slowing down the sorting system.

The sorting system causes unnecessary pain in relationships. Inevitably, human beings make mistakes. After we have categorized a person, or an institution as "good," when they do something to hurt or disappoint us, we become disillusioned. If we harbor unrealistic expectations for others to be "all good all the time," it's a long fall from the pedestal. The messiness of relationship requires missteps and forgiveness...abiding in a love that is greater than our human frailties...and it calls us to be with the paradox.

Richard Rohr reminds us that Christ turned the world on its head with teachings like, "He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous." Mt 5:45. Rohr and other teachers compel us to move beyond the "either/or" way of thinking and instead move to the "both/and" way of being.

HOW??

Not easy...maybe we can acknowledge when we are sorting, and slow the process. Being with paradox is not an exercise of the brain, but the heart...the brain is thinking based, the heart-sensation based.

Sitting in meditation or contemplative prayer each day helps us to develop this sensation-based way of being. It allows us to expand the capacity for our inner observer and develop the patience to wait...to respond rather than react.

Take at least five minutes, preferably twenty, and sit in silence...notice your breathing, feel the air moving through your nostrils, down to your chest, back up and out again. Simply stay with your breathing...if you are distracted by thoughts, just come back to your breathing...

Also, this week make an extra effort to open your horizons and dialogue with or reach out to someone who you previously would have sorted out of your life. Enjoy being with the paradox. Namaste

Day 32: Life as a Prayer

"Mom, I don't understand, my whole life is a prayer." That was Kiki's response to a question I posed during a "home church" service a few years ago.

What a mind-blower!

There is a lot of confusion about prayer. Once I read a book that made it seem as if we prayed in just the "right" way we could manifest whatever we wanted in our lives. Kind of like a prayer ATM. When I tried this "practice" I found myself concerned about whether I was doing it right. If things didn't work out the way I thought they should, I would wonder if I had prayed wrong. How crazy is that?

The book and movie, "The Secret" has been an answer to prayer for the author, but I am not so sure about the rest of us. It seems like an extension of the thinking that angered me when Rhonda was dying of cancer. Think/pray the right way and this cancer will go away...a fabulous way to heap guilt on those who are sick, or poor, or suffering in some way.

Maybe the REAL SECRET is to attain an inner peace no matter what the external circumstances...not some mindset that can't find the Sacred in the suffering; or a materialistic prosperity prayer. (Nothing wrong with prosperity mind you.)

I know some folks are tired of "God language" being used as a club to beat their way of thinking into other's heads. Showy, public displays of prayer fly in the face of Jesus' command to, "go into your room, close the door and pray...." Matthew 6:6

Some people wonder if intercessory prayer is an arrogant way of telling God what to do...Also, there is an uncomfortable connotation here that perhaps God is a puppeteer pulling strings, "HMMMM let's give Mary a dose of cancer and fix Joey's broken radiator...Oops! Nevermind, he prayed the wrong way!"

The Quakers have a beautiful way of holding people and intentions, "in the light." Since learning of this practice, when I know of someone in need; or I am thinking about someone I love and want to bless, I "hold them in the light." Taking a moment to send blessing is a way for me to love that person...and to trust the LOVE which created all of us.

Those of us who desire a connection to the Sacred/God/Beloved/Divine/Love...whatever name you want to use, crave a way to communicate...a way to be in relationship.

If we were to take Kiki's perspective on prayer-what is it we are praying? Are we praying good will and love? Are we praying worry and strife? Are we praying healing, supportive presence? Are we praying anger and jealousy? What are our prayers??

Mother Theresa said, "I always begin my prayers in silence, for it is in the silence of the heart that God speaks. God is the friend of silence. We need to listen to God, because it is not what we say, but what God says to us and through us that matters."

Couldn't sleep last night, the after-dinner pot of decaf turned out to be regular. Then this morning I woke up too early...4:30. Before I knew it, I found my tired self on my knees, hands folded, head on the couch. Words wouldn't come...just emotion...just desire for connection...just a sense that taking the time to remember there is a Benevolent Presence breathing with me, that matters. Blissful silence...

I am wondering if all prayers don't come back to this...how can I live my life like a prayer? What would be the most LOVING thing I could do in this moment? If that were our guiding principle, how much better would our world be?

Holding you "in the light." Namaste

Day 31: Hidden Things

Daisy was running circles around me on the deck...watching me put my sneakers on, anticipating a rare evening walk. To her disappointment, Brendan called just as we were ready to head out. I sat back down on the deck and reveled in his stories. Watching the sky darken, I wasn't sure I would be able to fulfill my promise to Daisy and hear all Brendan wanted to share.

To Daisy's delight, I hung up the phone and Malcolm grabbed a flashlight for a jaunt down the road. Rain and a busy schedule have kept us from our walking routine. Purple asters dotted the roadside; goldenrod burst with delight...much more spectacular from this vantage point than whizzing by in a car.

By the time we turned toward home, the sky had changed considerably. We stopped at the top of the driveway and looked up. Off to the right was an orange/pink finale to a spectacular sunset; just above...dark clouds; and to the left clear skies with an occasional wisp of a cloud. Most striking of all, a luminous crescent moon...and a lone, brilliant star.

When we began our journey, we didn't see the moon or the star. Yet it was there all along, simply waiting for the earth to turn just so...dimming the sun's light and revealing their own. If I wanted to, I couldn't have willed the moon and star to shine...they simply appeared in their appointed moment.

Perhaps I could trust all to be revealed in its appointed time. Maybe I could open my heart and eyes to experience more fully all that is in front of me, rather than angsting over what might be or how things "should" be.

I was reminded of a peaceful moment earlier in the day. Relaxing with two wonderful friends, listening to the Philip Newell CD, "Sounds of the Eternal." We ended our time together soaking in the celestial voices chanting, "I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known....I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known."

Is there a place in your life where you are pushing or forcing? Could you truly soak in and believe? "I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known...I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known." Namaste

Day 30: Calm Waters

Leaves on the trees are greener; skies are bluer...sunshine accenting what had been dreary days of dull grey. Even the birds are attacking their seed with new-found zeal. Days of rain give way to glistening sparkles on still water.

Why can't I be still like the calm waters? I was content just a few hours ago...enjoying the day, grateful for interesting work and loving friends. One phone call and I am off balance. The waters outside remain calm, but inside the tempest is growing.

Yet all those things for which I am grateful are still true...I do have a wonderful life, home, family, and friends. How much power do I want to give over to this one issue? To this tiny group of people seemingly holding so many cards?

Breathing in love and support...breathing out fear and frustration...breathing in Truth and Love...breathing out anger and pain...breathing in...breathing out...breathing in...breathing out...breathing...Namaste

Day 29: Your Inner EnCOURAGEr

When I was considering moving to Tokyo, my friend Rhonda selflessly offered, “I think you could live anywhere and thrive.” I was afraid…for Brendan and Kiki living in a large, foreign city; for me, that I would be lonely. Her belief in me helped give me the courage to take a big risk.

While writing Dancing Naked Under the Moon, there were many times when I wanted to stop…mostly because I was afraid the book would not being “good enough.” Malcolm and many others provided support to help carry me. A few in particular, Ina, Terry, and Susan would send notes with soothing words that inspired me, gave me faith that all would be well. I saved those notes and emails and re-read them on days when I was ready to give up.

At times we are called to see the best in others that they cannot see in themselves. This type of support is not mindless praise. Sincere encouragement springs from a well of truly believing in the other.

Last year Kiki played volleyball for a coach who demanded a lot from her “girls.” She expected them to show up on time, give their all, and work together as a team. The girls grew tremendously as individual players and as a team. They made it to sub-regionals, exceeding all expectations for them at the beginning of the season. They also had a GREAT time.

Coach Annette’s encouragement made it safe for them to take risks and grow. When they succeeded, praise was showered upon them. When they made mistakes, Coach used it as a teaching moment, not an opportunity to shame.

Imagine the difference we could make in each other’s lives if we truly enCOURAGEd one another…to make positive changes in our lives, to try something new,….

Perhaps today you could offer enCOURAGEment to someone in need of it. There is no guarantee that your words will plant the seeds of change in another, but it will be sure to make you feel good. And who knows, you may even see your enCOURAGEment bear fruit. Namaste.

Day 28: A Selfish Gift

"...forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against..."

That whole as we forgive those who trespass against us deal can be like pushing a boulder uphill. Praying for forgiveness...piece of cake!

For most of us, when we feel resentment, it resides in our guts. We relive an unkind word...years of abuse...a missed opportunity to be supported, and our solar plexus tightens as if in protection from the pain. But the pain is there, as real as the air we breath; sometimes, all we breath is our pain.

Small transgressions can be easy to forgive, especially when the other party sincerely seeks forgiveness. But the big ones, infidelity, a parent who seemed uninterested/uncaring, a child who steals from his or her own mother, these can take years of hard work to move past. And if the one who hurt us shows no remorse, the challenge is even more difficult.

We can pretend we aren't hurt...bury the betrayal in the backyard of our heart. But every once in a while, something will happen to nudge the bone toward the surface, our resentment triggering cramps in our gut and hardening in our hearts.

Responding to a question regarding the death of her son, actress Jill St. John said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." When we hold on to our anger and hurt, in essence we relive our pain over and over and over again.

Forgiveness is a gift we give...not only to the other party, but also to ourselves.

But how do we truly release and forgive? This can be difficult to say the least. For some of us, it may take years to heal old wounds; for others a moment of grace opens our hearts in a new way. Here are some ideas. I would like to thank Dr. Fisher Humphries as many of these ideas come from attending a class on forgiveness which he led at Beeson Divinity School's Lay Academy.

Name the person/group who hurt you and what they did to you that was unfair. You cannot begin to forgive until you honestly address this issue.

At some point, we have to choose to want to forgive. I remember during my divorce how attached I was to telling my "story." Each time I rehashed the perceived injustices, I could feel my resentment and indignation grow. I wanted others to validate my anger, my pain. I was not working on forgiveness...I was working on being "right." Like an addict who was sick of her hate hangovers, I finally grew tired of my own rants...that was a turning point toward forgiveness.

Choose to do your enemies no harm. Do not be rude to them, gossip about them, or even to believe the worst about them.

Surrender your desire to forgive to God. When I think of all the times I have knocked on God's door asking for forgiveness...truly feeling a sense of forgiveness...when I consider Christ's words on the cross, "Forgive them for they know not what they do," the forgiving I need to do seems less daunting. When forgiveness seemed nearly impossible, I prayed with the INTENTION of one day being able to forgive.

Remember the one who hurt you is a human being making mistakes, possibly hurting too. This does not mean condoning mean or abusive behavior...forgiveness is NOT condoning and it usually doesn't mean forgetting. However, if we can see the "other" as a child of God...understand something about their story, even pray for their well being, we can at least see them in a different light. Perhaps that light will be the path toward healing. A simple mantra is helpful, "May X be happy, be peaceful, know love."

Realize that holding on to the resentment is causing you pain (probably more so than the person with whom you are upset). In his book, Sermon on the Mount, Emmet Fox says, "Setting others free means setting yourself free, because resentment is really a form of attachment....When you hold resentment against anyone, you are bound to that person by a cosmic link, a real, though mental chain."

Seek support, especially if the resentment/anger is causing you to lash out at yourself and others. Find friends, professionals, who want to help you move past your pain. If you find some friends like to "feed the fire" either avoid them or at least talking about the subject. They may seem like they have your best interest in mind, but they may actually be inhibiting your ability to grow past the pain. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength not weakness. Forgiveness is courageous work.

Realize that forgiveness isn't fair. Holding on for restitution or some place of "equal" is a hook that will keep you coming back to the poisonous well. At some point, you will be able to acknowledge the injustice (not justify it), feel a sense of sadness for yourself at having experienced it, and let go of the desire for the other to "make it all better."

Forgiveness does not have to mean actually talking to/meeting with the other. In some circumstances, we might want to offer our forgiveness directly to the other. Sometimes, that is not wise...especially if you will be putting yourself in danger of future harm or if the other person is incapable of "hearing" your apology and their response would only increase your pain. Maybe you can write a forgiveness letter and burn it. Hold some kind of forgiveness ceremony. Offer prayers and then LET IT GO.

Below is a prayer that has been helpful to me. It was written by Dr. Bozarth a therapist and Episcopal Priest.

I bless you
I release you

I let you be
I let me be

I set you free
I set me free.

Forgiveness, a truly selfish gift. Namaste

Book suggestions: Forgive and Forget, Lewis B. Smedes, Sermon on the Mount, Emmet Fox, and Mending the Heart, John Claypool.

Day 27: Come Into Being as You Pass Away

Chanting is at the heart of all traditions. Many Christian churches chant the psalms as part of their service. Tibetan Buddhists chant many prayers, the most recognizable being, "Om mani padme hum," the mantra of Chenrezig, considered to be the embodiment of compassion. Hindus, Muslims, many others...join breath, tone, and intention in an effort to praise, or toward union with God.

I have participated and led retreats where some time was spent chanting. On my own, I have chanted...for clarity, for comfort, to praise. The merging of breath, tone, and intention has carried me away from the chatter inside my head and toward the Silence.

Our Western brains like to "figure out" the way to God. However, it is in the experience where we find glimmers of the glorious Light.

While worried or in pain, I have called on Julian of Norwich's prayer, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." Each time, ease and well being settled in my soul.

Cynthia says, "I can attest to the power of this practice to awaken the heart and support the emergence of the 'unitive imagination.'" "The unitive is that deeper, luminous vision in each of us that can perceive the world as meaningful pattern and synchronicity, that knows how to 'see heaven in a grain of sand.'"

Would you like to give it a try? Here are abbreviated instructions...sit comfortably in silence for a few minutes, choose a psalm, one of the chants below, or something of your own. Create an intention for your time, and begin to chant the material. If you like, you can use a single note for the entire psalm or saying, or you can create a melody if you like. There is no "right" or "wrong" here. However, stillness, intention, and attention are beneficial. If you are chanting one of the phrases below, simply repeat for at least five minutes...longer if you like.

Relax, enjoy, and remember...breath, tone, and intention...the three core elements of the earth.

"Come into being as you pass away." From the Gospel of Thomas
"Om mani padme hum." Tibetan Buddhist Chant for Compassion
"All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well." Julian of Norwich

Namaste
For more detailed instructions I suggest you read Cynthia Bourgeault's, Wisdom Jesus and/or Chanting the Psalms. Also, J. Philip Newell has a beautiful book and accompanying CD with chants, Sounds of the Eternal.

Day 26: Feel the Rain on Your Face

All I wanted to do was stay in bed...we had arrived in Clemson at midnight last night. We are in Tigertown for the football game against Boston College. I love college football. Sitting with Malcolm on one side and Brendan on the other--fabulous...having your team win..even better.

But this morning, I didn't care about cheering in the stands, listening to the bands. I only wanted to S-L-E-E-P! I even toyed with asking Malcolm if he and Brendan wanted to go without me and sell my ticket. Watching the game on the couch with Malcolm's "adopted" parents, Ina and Harry seemed like a great plan.

Thankfully, inertia did not get the better of me. Not wanting to disappoint the boys, I stuck with the plan.

For the first half of the game, grey skies and a light breeze provided unusually comfortable weather for mid-day game in September. After half-time, low clouds dropped their drizzle, prompting the appearance of 70,000 orange ponchos. At first, I was disappointed; who wants to sit in the rain--soaking wet? But then I started to enjoy the feeling of wet drops falling on my face, my legs, anywhere the poncho didn't cover. Awakened by the wet, my skin felt so alive.

Twice the game was delayed because of the lightening...each time for at least 30 minutes. We debated leaving both times and decided we had come this far, so rarely made it to a Clemson game, we would stick it out until the end. If I wasn't with such die-hard fans, I probably would've opted for that comfy couch.

We ran into friends from North Carolina during the second rain delay. Their 81-year old mother was there with them, outlasting fans more than half her age. I was inspired by her "spunk." And not for the first time when encountering an indomitable octogenarian I wondered which came first...the attitude/spirit or the great health.

How often do we protect ourselves from the environment because of...too much humidity...too much sun...too much rain...too much snow...too much cold? If we want to, we can create a reason not be out in the elements nearly every day.

Drenched, wet clothes clinging to me, feet squishing in my impractical leather shoes. I was surprisingly thrilled to be out in the rain. Something about being immersed in Mother Nature's weather du jour stirred the "earth momma" in me. I felt grateful.

The steamy shower back at the house felt pretty wonderful too!

Too often I change plans without fully considering what I might be giving up in veering off course. It is tough to tell the difference between flexibility and "bailing." Today, I am glad that for whatever reason I stayed the course.

I encourage you to reach beyond an initial resistance to "bail"and follow through. If you find yourself running down the road of coming up with reasons NOT to do something...because of energy, or weather, or money, or whatever, give yourself a moment to truly consider, "What would be most life-giving?" Is there a place in your life right now where you aren't "showing up?"

"Unwritten," is a great song by Natasha Beddingfield, you might want to crank up the stereo and jam. My favorite line is "Feel the rain on your face, no one else can feel it for you." May you be soaked! Namaste

Day 25: Shake Your Groove Thing

"Something is different, what have you been doing?" I asked. It wasn't just that my friend seemed more fit...there was a greater sense of joy about her. "Turbo Jam! They are these great exercise videos that combine dancing, kickboxing, sculpting. I just love it!" She replied.

Tired of my same old workout routine, I decided to give it a whirl. This summer, Kiki would pop one of the dvd's in now and then. I mentioned to her that there was something about these videos that were different. We agreed that we found ourselves smiling throughout most of the workout.

The next time I "Jammed," I decided to figure out what was going on. As you would expect, the instructor, Chalene Johnson is perky and encouraging. She also exudes a genuine passion for what she is doing and a sincere desire to motivate. But that is not the most important factor in what makes Kiki and me smile, and creates this sense of joy in my friend.

It is DANCING. Periodically, Chalene will change up the routine and encourage the viewer to "bust a move." I like to do this video when NO ONE is watching and flail my mid-life body around the great room like a teenager on the prom dance floor. Yesterday, during one of the dance routines I circled the entire room with some inexplicable step "waving my hands in the air like I just didn't care." Knowing this same room would be a womb for wonderful women the next day on retreat...I danced with the intention for joy and laughter during their time here.

Most of us have few opportunities to dance...lots of us are self-conscious about our abilities. For over 20 years a group of amateurs have been taking tap lessons in Birmingham. Practices begin each fall and culminate in a wild, bawdy show in April. The house sells out every year! We are meant to dance.

When Malcolm and I would come to the lake house during those early, kid-free weekends we would put on some Harry Connick, Jr. or Nora Jones and hold each other close...the beat of the music, our heartbeats moving through us. Hmmm--we might need to break out those favorites again now that those kids have gone and started their own lives.

Whether it is on your own, in a class, with your love...SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING! Namaste

Day 24: Dream Catcher

When Kiki was about five years old she was afraid of going to sleep because of recurring bad dreams. Frequently, I would roll over in the middle of the night and run into little Kiki. She would have crawled in bed next to me for comfort. One night, after reading Kiki stories I tucked her covers in tight and told her to be very still because I was going to create a protective shield to keep the bad dreams out.

If we could all believe like small children. Kiki pulled her covers up even higher against her neck, closed her eyes, and said, "I'm ready." I made "zip" noises as I went from the foot to the head of the bed and announced that the shield was in place. I made sure to tell her it was a magic shield and would automatically reengage if she got up to go to the bathroom. She seemed relieved and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Kiki came running down to the kitchen in her flannel pj's. "It worked, I didn't wake up. I didn't have one bad dream." And so a new ritual ensued. Each night we would read stories, kiss goodnight, and zip the shield in place. I also bought a Native American dream catcher and hung it over her bed for good measure. For the most part, this simple remedy worked. Somehow, Kiki's trust in the shield made it powerful.

A few years later when I was discerning important decisions, a therapist suggested I keep a dream journal. I loved to journal, and sporadically would transcribe a memorable dream, but I never had made it a routine.

The instructions I received were simple:

• Keep a journal and a pen next to your bed.
• Before going to sleep ask for your dreams to reveal to you wisdom regarding your life. You can make this general, or quite specific.
  
• Give thanks for the Spirit's guidance.
• Upon waking, immediately right down all that you can remember from the previous night. At first, it may be very little if anything at all. Most people find the more they do this exercise, the better their dream memory becomes.
• Over time, review your dreams and look for significant details or themes that might be helpful.

I was struck how it seemed important for me to believe that my dreams held unearthed truths for me, similar to Kiki's belief that the shield could work. The dream journal exercise was fruitful. Some days it seemed as if the words I wrote down were unimportant. Many days I did not have time to read what I wrote. Yet, over time I found my dreams in my dreams...a direction became clear. One morning I even wrote down the floor plan for a home I had dreamed about. A year later I bought a home that significantly resembled my "dream" home...right down to the wrap around porch and the bonus room on the second floor.

If you are interested in getting to know a part of yourself yet unreaveled, zip into your dream catcher mode and start a dream journal. May the good ones come true! Namaste
PS-I would like to give a "thanks" and a "shout out" to Kevin DeWitt, editor for "Make the Days Count." This is a beautiful site that compiles writing on a number of subjects from spirituality, parenting, motivational topics, etc...They picked up a recent post of mine and featured it on their site.

Day 23: Transformation or Trouble...you decide

The other day I was on the phone with my younger, wiser sister Anne. She was excited about her experience at a 3-day retreat at the Tao Temple where she is a member. My family is like its own inter-faith council, Buddhists, Catholics, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Taoists. It didn't start out this way. Mom and Dad did the best they could to raise all eight of us Catholic. But like lots of families, when we kids went off into the world, we blazed our own trails. Although we don't agree on which path to take, I believe we are all trying to reach the same place.

But I digress. Anne told me about this amazing talk she gave during the retreat about the false self and the true self. To share her bits of wisdom in entirety would be too long (you're welcome to come to the retreat "The Way of the Mystic" at the house on Friday to hear the rest). However, the abbreviated version is...the false self identifies with the things of the flesh, things which are temporary. The true self identifies with matters of the Spirit. We need both, and both run through all experiences, it is just that we over-identify with the matters of the flesh we diminish the Spirit.

OK, so this blew me away because just last weekend Malcolm and I were teaching a Christian class on Fruit of the Spirit. Remember? And what were we reading? Galatians 5:16, "Live by the Spirit, I say and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh."

Later, Anne mentioned that one of the root meanings for the word "complain" is to "cause pain again." Isn't that the truth? As soon as we start complaining, we re-experience the pain. And the person to whom we are complaining is now in pain...first, because they probably want to fix it for us and second, because they have to listen to our complaining. I am not proposing that we never gripe about the bad breaks life can hand us, just hoping to create awareness about what is happening when we complain...we are reliving our pain.

On the other hand, the word "appreciate" actually means "to grow in value." So when we are genuinely grateful, praising we are responding from our true self--that which is connected to the things of the Spirit.

Are you still with me? If so, let's follow Anne's crumbs and walk down this trail toward transformation. All of us are going to experience trials in our lives. Most of us will hit some big ones, death of a loved one, divorce, illness, job loss is popular these days. Every time we experience a trial of some sort, we have the opportunity to grow in humility and in Spirit. By definition, a trial is not an easy thing to experience.

However, if we can use our trial as a pathway toward transformation; an opportunity to let go of some part of our false self that is clinging and complaining, we may find that we have dropped one of the steamer trunks of baggage that is keeping us from passing through the eye of the needle--the narrow gate.

A wonderful friend has recently been diagnosed with a serious, chronic illness. She has a young family to care for that she loves dearly. Managing this disease was not really in her game plan. The diagnosis came suddenly. Her response has been nothing short of heroic. Not because she isn't feeling her pain-she is. Not because she doesn't understand the changes this will demand of her-she does. After years of working with terminally ill patients and grieving mothers, she feels that in the grand scheme of things, this is manageable. More than likely, she will have to re-evaluate the number of commitments in her life, but she intends to keep on living. Given the other prognoses which were being ruled out, she is actually grateful. Yes, she is appreciative. And there in lies the heroism, she is feeling her pain AND she is appreciative.

That brings me to one of the last things Anne said to me, "Mary, if we complain about our trials they are only problems." If we allow our trials to be our teachers; use them as an opportunity to deepen our connection to the Divine; be willing to let go of the temporary pleasure we are clinging to, we may find them to be transformative.

Please do not hear me saying this path toward transformation is fast or simple or that we should flog ourselves when we do complain. Screaming, crying, shaking our fists are all normal reactions to hard stuff. I simply want to share with you the benefit of giving yourself the space to experience the meaning underneath the trial, not just the trouble of it.

Is there a trial in your life right now? If so, I invite you to take uninterrupted time and Dialogue with God. Sit in silence and ask for the Spirit's guidance. Reflect on how this trial is impacting you and others in your life. Give thanks to God for God's Presence and Love. If there is one question you would like to ask God, what would that be? Ask...sit in silence...LISTEN...close out your time by giving thanks for whatever gift was given to you. Ask for continued guidance and support. Trust it will be there. Namaste

Day 22: Doin' The Hummin'bird

There is a new kid on the block. In the past six years, Malcolm and I have never been visited by this greenish/yellowish bird with black and white wings. Early one morning I spied him, of all places on the hummingbird feeder. Grabbing my book, I walked onto the deck for my morning reading and coffee. This startled the new kid and he flew away.

Taking his hummingbird interpretation one step further, he mimicked their flight pattern--perching high on a tree to the left, zooming close to the feeder, and then landing high on a tree to the right. Unlike the hummingbirds, he wouldn't land on the feeder when I was around. Also, he sang a long, loud repetitive song. Well, really it sounded more like, "get out of here I was enjoying the sugar buzz." Curious, I cruised through the bird book trying to identify him, deciding he was probably some kind of vireo. He has returned to visit every day since and has charmed Malcolm as well.

The hummingbirds are not nearly as entertained by the new kid as Malcolm and I are. They buzz him and seem hesitant to land when he is on their feeder. Hummingbirds are fascinating in their own right. Often we will take our seats in the stadium (OK, the Adirondack chairs on the deck) and watch their games. Small bodies zipping past at top speed, wings flapping at a million beats per second...finally, one will land on the feeder, only to be dive bombed by another hummingbird or two. Entangled in their mid-air battle, another small bird will light on the feeder and then foes become comrades as they band together to bully the newcomer off of the feeder. We never tire of these games. In fact we mourn the hummingbirds when they leave in October and anticipate their return in April.

Now there are six perches and holes on this feeder. If they wanted to, our little friends could ALL sit peacefully and sip their nectar. Heck they could hang out and tell bee jokes or something. Imagine the energy they would save NOT fighting and dive bombing and playing protector of the perch!

I can't understand why the new kid wants to pretend he's something he's not, but I bet he isn't the only one doin' the hummin'bird dance. I think a lot of us do it.

Sometimes I wonder if God isn't like Malcolm and me watching the show and wondering, Why do they operate from such fear? I have provided them with everything...there is no need to worry, no need to fight...simply drink from the cup of life.

How much energy would we save if we opened our eyes to the abundance that surrounds us? How much more generous would we be if we weren't worried that someone else was going to get our "share?"

Is there a place in your life where you have been buzzing around in fearful flight? If so, what would it look like if you stopped flapping your wings and simply perched, drank, and gave thanks? Namaste

Day 21: Naming the Nameless

"The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name." The Tao Te Ching

Many mornings I sit on a zafu cushion and start my centering prayer time praying the Daily Office. Actually, I have taken to amending the prayers. It seems arrogant for me, an unschooled layperson to mess with these sacred words. I simply hope that the Holy One to whom I pray is pleased I am showing up.

Here is the deal. Consistently in these morning prayers God is referred to as "Father" and "He." I love my father. I think guys are great. I adore my husband. It is not that I don't like men, but sometimes I am weary of all masculine language we use to describe the Divine. Truly, the Beloved I worship is greater than "he" or "she." So sometimes I insert "Mother" or "Mother and Father" instead of "Father" or "GOD" instead of "He;" however my favorite is "Beloved." This language feels softer, more expansive. And yet, even these modifications are inadequate to express the magnitude of the Creator.

Lao Tzu, the presumed author of the Tao Te Ching, had the right idea. The moment we begin to name the Nameless, we have diminished this Presence. Yet, we need language to communicate with one another.

If the language of the Spirit is intended to be used metaphorically and not literally, why do most of the metaphors point in one direction? This language conundrum hit home when I was helping with Vacation Bible School last summer. The children in my care were to act out a scene about Noah's ark. Two of them wanted to play the part of God, one was a boy and the other a girl. I was unsuccessfully mediating a solution when the young man confidently declared, "You can't be God because God is a boy." The little girl opened her mouth and then shut it, as if she didn't have a better response.

We were on a tight schedule and I made a snap decision that I didn't have time to give my "God is bigger than 'he' or 'she' speech." Humorously, the young man relented when he found out that if he played one of the other parts, he could bang sticks to make the ark. Still, the memory of that young girl opening and then closing her mouth continues to haunt me. The thought that this future father holds this one-dimensional image of God, disturbing.

Maybe we rely too much on language. Maybe the mystics have the right idea in their pursuit of direct experience of Reality...through prayer, poetry, art, service.

On the other hand, the Islamic tradition recognizes 99 names for Allah (God), names like, "The All Beneficent," "The Most Merciful," "The Creator," "The Ever Forgiving." Beautiful names.

Holding the Beloved in our hearts, reaching toward union is what we are called to do. If naming is a catalyst toward this communion, then let's follow our Islamic brothers and sisters and fling the door wide open. Naming is important.

What are your favorite names for the Nameless? Say them aloud...write them down...honor them and praise the Presence they feebly describe. Namaste

Day 20: Bestowing Our Blessings

Some of you have heard me mention Lama Norlha Rinpoche, the Tibetan Buddhist Monk with whom I took teachings for a few years. One of my favorite memories with Lama Norlha was when Brendan and Kiki were ten and nine years old. Lama, his fellow monks and nuns were in our guest bedroom chanting their morning ritual. Brendan and Kiki were lying on the carpet outside of the guest room, trying to see what was happening from under the door. As I was running up the stairs to reprimand the kids for spying, one of the monks opened the door and invited them, and me to join them.

We all sat cross-legged on the floor as the ritual continued. Ani Palmo, one of the nuns, explained to us in English what they were saying in Tibetan. Brendan and Kiki adored Lama Norlha for a number of reasons, not least of which was his childlike nature which betrayed his sixty-plus years. At the end of the chanting I was busily rounding up the kids to get ready for school. Lama Norlha interrupted me and called each one over to him to say "goodbye" because he would be leaving while they were at school. Lama placed his hands on Brendan's cheeks and leaning forward, touched his forehead to Brendan's. Smiling, he repeated the same gesture for Kiki, bestowing a tender blessing upon each of them.

Years later, Rabbi Rami Shapiro was visiting on a Friday night when I asked if he would perform a Shabbat Service for us. Graciously he agreed. Somewhere in the mix of blessing wine and bread and lighting candles, Rami looked at me and said, "It is customary for you to bless your children." Surprised, I stood and placed my hands on Brendan's head. Isn't it crazy that I had never thought to do this before? This beloved child of mine had been at my table many a Friday night and it never entered my mind to close out the week by placing my hands on his head and giving thanks for him in this special way; to ask for God's protection and blessing upon him.

I remember feeling self-conscious about saying the "right thing," as well as grateful for the moment of remembering...remembering that he belongs to me...and I belong to him...and yet neither of us is of the other...that we both belong to the BELOVED.

Sure, every morning and every night I pray for Brendan and Kiki. But this outward manifestation of my inward feelings gave Brendan, Kiki, and me the chance to experience blessing together.

After years away from liturgical Christian worship, returning to the Episcopal Church has been a "coming home." When the cross is carried down the aisle at the beginning and end of each service, we bow...an outward sign of our inward devotion. At various parts of the service we kneel, sit, and stand...our bodies praying along with our hearts. Service concludes with the priest standing at the altar, right hand raised, making the sign of the cross, blessing his or her flock, "In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." Sometimes, receiving this blessing is the most peaceful moment in my week.

Who would you like to bless? Are they in a proximity where you could lay your hands on their heads and acknowledge how sacred they are to you? What words of thanks do you want to give for who they are? What special blessing would you like to bestow on him or her? I encourage you to take a risk and not waste this moment to bless another. This outward manifestation of what we hold dear in our hearts has power...gives meaning, in ways we may never completely comprehend. Bless you and Namaste.

Day 19: God is Growing Me

"By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22

For the next few months Malcolm and I are leading a Sunday School Class on the "Fruit of the Spirit." True to form for both of us, we have been "cramming" to prepare. Hmmmm, maybe that says something about faithfulness and self-control. Anyway, diving into the material we have unearthed has been fascinating. Pouring over the commentary from great minds, consuming.

A couple of themes emerge...Fruit of the Spirit is about God working in us, not us trying to be God; a change in character that usually evolves over time; it brings us closer to God's purposes.

In our discussions I had mistakenly referred to the "fruits of the Spirit." Malcolm gently corrected me and mentioned he had made the same mistake, but that is singular, FRUIT of the Spirit. This is puzzling, almost like one fruit with nine attributes. I guess we aren't supposed to pick and choose which one we want to grow.

I am reminded of an afternoon with my spiritual director, Sr. Mary McGeehee. I was lamenting about not seeing many "results" in my life. Mary smiled at me lovingly and reminded me, "be patient, God is growing you." Isn't that lovely? "God is growing you."

It is easy for us to get pretty wrapped up in what we can DO to be better. This fruit of the Spirit stuff though, it seems to point to a way of BEING. I wonder, how can I be open to the Spirit moving in me? How can I let go of RESULTS and embrace bearing good fruit? What is the difference? Perhaps I am not qualified to lead this class, I have many more questions than answers. Oh well, maybe I'll just be still and know God is God!

Take as much time as you like and ponder, "God is growing me." Write, paint, dance...whatever moves you a response to this phrase, "God is growing me." Namaste.

Day 18: All God's Creatures

Lazily crunching on cereal and berries, half-heartedly reading the news, I was snapped out of my daze by a loud "THWAP" against the window. Sadly, I knew this sound too well--a bird had flown into the window.

We are literally in the treetops. Birds adorn our deck and the surrounding trees like ornaments. Frequently, we are entertained by their shenanigans at the feeder or the rare visit by an indigo bunting or a rose-breasted grosbeak.

The beauty we enjoy from living in this home is a hazard to the birds we love. Usually they maneuver around the house without trouble. Occasionally a bird will fly into the window, fortunately most of them fly away, seemingly unharmed.

After hearing the ominous sound at breakfast, I jumped up to see if the bird was OK. Lying on its back, legs flailing, a small cardinal appeared to be seriously hurt. It was excruciating to watch the struggle, yet I wanted to stand witness in some way...just in case this sweet creature was dying. Drizzling rain a cruel insult to the already suffering bird. I prayed...does that sound silly? I sent love...felt sadness for my part in this situation.

I have learned not to go on the deck when a bird is hurt, my presence only creates stress. So I continued my vigil through the window. His legs stopped moving, breathing slowed down. Was the cardinal dying or relaxing and recovering? Hoping it was the latter, I stood watch a little longer. After a while, I cleared my dishes and sadly tended to a couple of morning chores.

Dubiously, I walked back to the window to check on the bird. He had righted himself! Dazed and scruffy from his frightful encounter, he was perched on the deck. I kneeled down to a vantage point where I could see him, but was hidden from his view. Relief, gratitude, silent prayers converged into a mixture of emotion that seemed disproportionate given the short encounter with my new-found friend.

Encouraged that he was on the road to recovery, I climbed the stairs to my office. A short time later I decided to check on his condition again. In a magnanimous display of forgiveness, he waited for me to behold his recuperation flight. At first he flew tentatively to the railing, cocked his head one way...then the other, flapped his wings for good measure, and ascended boisterously into the world of the trees! My heart soared with him.

How often I take these tiny creatures for granted. Yet they grant such joy...with their songs, ornate plumage, and fanciful flight. How empty our world would be without the creatures with whom we share this planet.

I encourage you to take some time to go outside and SEE, ENJOY, SAVOR the birds, bugs, animals in your world. What lessons do they have for you? If it feels comfortable, take a moment to send them blessings and offer thanksgiving. Namaste

Day 17: Expressing Gratitude

When my husband Malcolm was playing football as a junior in high school, he underwent shoulder surgery. After the surgery Malcolm was unsure of his ability to come back and play well for his senior year. Since he first started playing pee-wee football, Malcolm's dream was to play college ball. Getting in shape for the next season was critical to the manifestation of this goal.

One day his Calculus teacher, Mr. Jennings stopped Malcolm after class and asked how he was doing since his surgery. Discouraged, Malcolm told him he wasn't sure he would ever be able to play well again. Mr. Jennings offered to help Malcolm train each day during the spring. The informal sessions continued on through the summer. Apparently, Mr. Jennings had been a track coach and knew a lot about endurance training. At the beginning of his senior season, Malcolm was in the best shape he had ever been. By Christmas he was offered the scholarship he had long dreamed of.

That was 36 years ago. A few years ago, Malcolm picked up the phone and called Mr. Jennings to tell him how much he appreciated what he had done for him and what a difference he had made in his life. The moment was tender, old friends enjoying one another. The ebb and flow of giving...receiving...giving...receiving washing over both.

Yesterday we considered the benefits of having an "attitude of gratitude." How about if we take it one step further? For our renewal practice today, take a moment and express your gratitude to someone who has had a positive impact in your life.

Is there someone in your life who has had a significant impact on you? Would you like to take a moment to call or write them and let them know how grateful you are? When you do, feel free to share your experience. Namaste

Day 16: An Attitude of Gratitude

Remember when you were growing up and your mother told you to, "Count your blessings?" Well it turns out mom knew what she was talking about.

A study done at Hofstra University documented benefits experienced by students who kept a gratitude journal for two weeks. These students were:

• more satisfied with their lives
• demonstrated greater satisfaction with their school experience
• less likely to report physical aches and pains.

Dr. Froh, the lead researcher, noted that other studies have shown grateful people are more likely to exercise, sleep better, and experience some cardiac benefits. If you would like to listen to a podcast with Dr. Froh click here.

The reality is, most of us know that thankfulness is good. It's just that when we feel frustrated and are focusing on what we DON'T have, we lose sight of the many good things in our lives. Yet like brushing our teeth and washing our faces, this "attitude of gratitude" can become a habit.

Once when I was leading a retreat I asked if anyone had kept a gratitude journal. One woman said that she had. "What was your experience?" I asked. "Each night I would bring my journal to bed and write down ten things for which I was grateful." We all listened attentively to this gentle, beautiful woman. "I didn't want to repeat what I had written already, so over time it required greater and greater awareness. One night I wrote, 'I am grateful for the way my sheets feel soft against my skin.'"

We were thunderstruck. We all had soft sheets each night. What set this woman apart from the rest of us was her acknowledgement of the gift.

Take a piece of paper and write down at least ten things that you are grateful for. If you like, continue this practice for a week...go deeply in developing this attitude of gratitude. I am grateful for YOU. Namaste

Day 15: Listening to Our Bodies

In her revolutionary book, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, Dr. Christiane Northrup says, "Our bodies are our allies in the search for health and healing. Listening to the wisdom of our female bodies is the path to self-discovery and joy."

How often do we consider our bodies as a vehicle for "self-discovery and joy?" Many of us wage internal wars with our bodies...we criticize them when they aren't perfect enough; when they are tired we fill them with caffeine. You get the idea.

Yet there are some women who are inspiring in the way that they accept and even love their bodies. Others, especially those who have survived a serious illness, or live with a chronic condition, have used their medical situation as an opportunity to befriend their bodies and listen for the messages they are sending.

A friend of mine survived life-threatening cancer. Her children were young at the time and she was forced to surrender many of her parenting duties to others so she could focus on healing. Over time, she realized that if she tried to deny a part of herself, even her cancer, ultimately she would lose. Somehow, she had to find a way to befriend her body, even though it seemed as if it was betraying her. She took her healing very seriously and each day would take time to tune into what it was she most needed...more laughter, more rest, more exercise. Her cancer taught her to tune into this unique source of wisdom.

She has been cancer free for years and continues to be aware of the messages her body is telling her; not from an obsessive place, but from the healthy perspective of appreciating her body's unique connection to her soul.

Perhaps by paying attention to the messages from our bodies, loving and accepting them, we might find we have taken tender care of our souls.

Sit in silence for a few moments with an awareness of your body. Is there any part that is in particular need of care? Can you respond in some way to that need? Finally, this is for extra credit...could you stand naked in front of the mirror and look at your body appreciating it and thanking it for all that it does for you? Namaste

Day 14: Peace Be In Your Heart

Unity Center for Peace in Chapel Hill, North Carolina ends each service with congregants reaching across the aisles to hold hands as one large, winding, human chain belting out, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be...." Years ago when I attended these services, singing this song was the highlight, a culmination of community grounded in personal responsibility for creating peace.

Yesterday in Park City, Utah, the service at St. Mary's Catholic Church ended in the same way. Joyful voices joined, raised high with the intention to be a peaceful presence. The universal message ringing true for two very different congregations on opposite ends of the country. Like many moments in the pews, we can choose to leave the meaning in the building, or carry it out into the world. How can we cultivate a sense of peace?

There is so much to this question, only a fraction of one of the millions of possible responses can be addressed: awareness of the moment when we become reactionary. For most of us, when we begin to tighten or "brace" in our body, it is an indicator that some internal trigger is firing. Rev. Cynthia Bourgeault, the renowned contemplative prayer teacher instructs that if at all possible, we want to avoid responding from this place of "bracing." My sense is the reason we want to be mindful of when we are being reactionary is because underneath the sensation is some degree of violence...be it a violent thought, feeling, or action waiting for an opportunity to see the light of day.

Often when we think of violence, physical violence comes to mind. Yet we can be just as incendiary with fiery thoughts-directed at ourselves or others. Hurtful speech can be as a brutal as a well-placed blow. It is common for us to have experiences of anger or fear (two of the most common seeds of violence). What impedes our ability to cultivate peace is ignoring the power these thoughts and feelings can have on our behavior. Cultivating peace in our hearts requires awareness of wherein the heart lies. It requires living awake.

Imagine the difference each of us could make if we created the intention to be a peaceful presence.

For our practice today, let's make an effort to be aware of any "bracing" or "tightening" in our bodies; or a sense of our hearts "closing off." NOTICE the sensation and then silently breathe "peace" as many times as necessary. Perhaps you can take a moment right now, place your hand on your heart and pray, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." Namaste

"Peace Be in Your Heart"
Charles Francis Richardson

"If peace be in your heart,
the wildest winter storm is solemn beauty,
the midnight flash but show your path of duty,
each living creature tells some new and joyous story,
the very trees and stones catch a ray of glory,
if peace be in your heart."

Day 13: Reclaiming

Years ago I was an adventurer, backpacking in Yellowstone, biking long distances. My motto seemed to be, "Work hard. Play hard." Like many of us, over time my weekend pursuits became more and more domesticated. Long treks in the wilderness were replaced by swinging children in neighborhood parks.

One of my favorite memories is of a hike to Heart Lake in Yellowstone. Three friends and I had trekked in the eight miles to our destination late in the afternoon. The hike was more difficult than we had expected. What should have taken three hours stretched into a grueling five hour journey. Early in the hike it began to rain. We pulled out our ponchos and silently trudged toward our destination. Setting up camp in the dark drizzle was hardly what any of us had hoped for when we had planned our trip.

The next morning I rolled out of my sleeping bag and pulled back the flap of the tent to a stunning sight. Only a few yards away, was steam gently rising above the crystal blue water of Heart Lake. The protective backdrop of Mt. Sheridan hovered on the other side of the lake, her snowy reflection mirrored on the still water.

Quietly, so as not to disturb my companions, I started a fire and made coffee. When the black brew was ready, I poured it into my tin cup and sat on a log, peacefully soaking up the majestic vision. Wool gloves gripping my tin cup, I breathed in the steam...aroma and warmth a double dose of healing. Gracefully, geese skimmed the water, dancing in formation. The harmonious peace especially appreciated given the struggle to reach our destination.

These days, rather than starting out with gloved hands gripping a tin cup, I usually make a rather tame trek to the coffee pot--my greatest obstacle being a hungry yellow lab. Cup in hand, I settle in on my comfy couch. This is fine. This too is a good life.

However, recently I have noticed a certain hesitancy in my willingness to venture out and take risks. I have wondered if reclaiming some of that woman by Heart Lake wouldn't open me to embracing new challenges in my life today. A few weeks ago I bought new hiking boots. Kiki and I explored the Desoto Falls area. Malcolm and I brought mountain bikes with us on the ski lift to the top of the mountain in Park City and rode down the windy, aspen-clothed trail.

Surely my pursuits at 47 won't be as daring as those at 27. Yet I want to reclaim the adventurer in me. Not all adventures need to be physical of course. As I reclaim that woman by the lake, how will other aspects of my life be transformed? How will I be transformed?

Take a few minutes and contemplate if there is a part of you that you have (either consciously or inadvertently) shut down, ignored, denied. Think back to a time in your life when you felt most alive. What aspect of this self would you like to reclaim? Could you take one step in that direction today? Namaste

Day 12: Rest

We all "know" we need rest. Many of us struggle with giving ourselves restorative time. And yet, how often have we found ourselves declining in "productivity" as we continue to push on through a project or a busy day? Culturally, we have erased the line between "work" and "play." Many of us feel we need to keep working, keep volounteering, keep whatevering, until we are depleted, empty shells of ourselves.

Wayne Muller reminds us in his compelling book, Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest, "Sabbath honors the necessary wisdom of dormancy,...a period in which we lie fallow, and restore our souls."

A few years ago a wonderful friend told me that she tries to give herself one day off each week. A day when she doesn't answer the phone unless she wants to; reads if she feels like it, naps if that appeals to her; watches a movie if that is what calls her. This friend is one of the most spiritually connected people I know. I wonder if there is a correlation between her practice of rest and her connection to the Divine?

Of course the thought of taking a day off is different for someone who has young children at home, or caring for an elderly parent. Yet, this soul restoration project is particularly important for caregivers. Imagine the message we could give our children if they experienced rest as a natural part of their day. Perhaps they could even participate in planning this special time...maybe a day when meals are simple, or one void of cleaning. Come to think of it, most of these same kids have taken naps in daycare or pre-school.

For many of us, the greatest barriers to rest are granting ourselves permission; letting go of the never-ending demands of life; and allowing others to step in and support us.

How could you incorporate a ritual of rest in your week? How can you create time of rest today? Sweet Dreams, I mean...Namaste

Day 11: Generous Spirit

"Mary Bea, your mother and I would like for you and Malcolm to join us in Park City next fall. You have put a lot of energy into those kids. After you take them to school, you are going to need a break."

Listening to Dad's generous offer, I wasn't sure I could accept. So much was up in the air, it seemed difficult to make any plans, even exciting ones. Thankfully, he persisted and I am clicking at the keyboard with a spectacular view of the mountainside beckoning me to come out and play.

The morning after our arrival in Park City there was a knock on the door. One of the hotel staff handed Mom a note. It was a "thank you" signed by every member of the front desk staff for a box of truffles Mom and Dad had given them. "Why did you give them truffles?" I asked. "Before we got here, we called ahead and asked for a nice room since we will be staying for a little while. They went to great lengths to help us. We just wanted to thank them for the extra effort." Dad replied.

Earlier this summer, Kiki had called Mom and told her, "Grandma I am so tired from all the end of the year busysness and college decision stuff, can I come stay with you and just hang on the beach? I don't want to do a lot, just get away." Mom agreed and when Kiki arrived at their home she was assured that she had no obligation to spend time with her grandma and grandpa unless she wanted. She could read in her room, lay out on the beach, do whatever she needed to take care of herself. As any grandparent knows, this was no small gesture since time alone with those grandchildren is precious indeed.

I am grateful for the generosity my parents have shown me and others throughout the years.

We all know people who embody a generous spirit. Those of generous heart take the time to consider, what it is another might want and need; give thanks for the generosity of others; and offer their gifts without expectation of anything in return.

Today's exercise toward renewal is two parts. You may wish to do only one or both.

Part One: Take a few moments and reflect on a time when someone touched you deeply with their generosity. What is it about the gesture and the person that moved you? How did you benefit?

Part Two: Consider someone in your life that you would like to reach out to in the spirit of generosity. What might this person need or want most in this moment? Can you give freely, with no strings attached? If so, take the time to connect with the generous spirit within you and joyfully offer your gift. Namaste

Day 10: Beloved Child of God

Yesterday I wrote about the wisdom that comes from paying attention to our emotions. One of the "stories" my sadness was telling me was that I was not enough. When we buy into the "not enough" mindset, peace is forever at bay. Our homes are not beautiful enough, our work is not good enough, our experiences not exciting enough. We are forever trying to feed an insatiable hunger...forging on in the conquest of unattainable goals, missing the opportunity to celebrate the gifts in the moment before us.

A few years ago I stopped work early on a Friday afternoon, pulled out the easel and paints, cranked up some classical music and immersed myself in the sensual dance between canvas and brush. I had no plan for what I wanted to paint...tans and browns and greens formed a hillside...yellows and reds adorned the flowers...various shades of blue stroked the sky. And then a woman in a flowing robe appeared. Her long locks streaked with gray, she confidently strode the hillside. A dove surrounded by golden light lingered above her and off to the side in bold letters, "YOU ARE MY BELOVED."

Standing back from the canvas, a wave of warmth enveloped me. I sat down on the red couch in the sunroom, closed my eyes, and breathed in words passed on to us through the centuries, "YOU ARE MY BELOVED. YOU ARE MY BELOVED. YOU ARE MY BELOVED WITH YOU I AM WELL PLEASED."

Allow yourself 15-20 minutes of quiet.

Slowly read the following passage 3 times, listening with the "ear of the heart." Sit in silence after each reading. If you like, the first time you can pay attention for a word or phrase that jumps out at you. The second time, simply meditate/contemplate what this passage may be offering you. After the third reading, sit and silence and allow a prayer to move through you. Finally, sit in silence and offer thanksgiving. Namaste

"...the Holy Spirit descended upon him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased." (NRSV Luke 3:22)