Day 9: The Wisdom of Emotions

Last spring I felt immobilized by sadness. My heart ached when I imagined Brendan and Kiki leaving for college. My head swirled with panicky financial concerns. I had been looking for a "J-O-B" with little success. It felt as if the world, and my life were passing me by.

I was ashamed of my sadness. I had so much to be grateful for...a loving family, all of us healthy, beautiful home, wonderful friends, gratifying work. And yet, I couldn't force myself to feel happy. I could fake it pretty well, but my family-they knew. Darkness had set in, a cloud-covering of despair would not allow the sunshine of all the good in my life to peak through.

I had been here before when we first moved to the lake and knew from that experience if I exercised every day, reduced my caffeine intake, and ate right, those things would help; and they did, but the underlying sadness was still there, along with my judgment of this sadness. I wanted to be "Happy Mary" for me and for everyone else. I prayed to return to "myself" again.

Finally, I made the call and reached out for professional help. I had been leaning on Malcolm as my sole source of comfort for too long. The counselor was a great fit for me--a Buddhist practitioner who encouraged me to examine what my emotions were trying to tell me. When she went so far as to advise me to "lean into them," I was reminded of a verse from a Christian song, "Be not afraid, I go before you always...."

I had spent so much time trying to push my difficult emotions away, "leaning in" was counter-intuitive. Yet, the Christian contemplative prayer, the Welcoming Prayer (which ironically I teach in some of my workshops) is all about "leaning into" what is up for you in this moment.

The more I took time to pay attention, notice and accept my emotions, the more their power to control my reactions dissipated. As I made friends with them, they told me their story...of course I was sad, of course I was scared, of course I felt a little lost. Beyond the obvious reasons for sadness were deeper, older reasons...they were calling out for attention, healing. The told me their meaning and gave meaning to my experience of sadness.

For me, "leaning in" is the exact opposite of coming up with affirmations, which we don't really believe anyway, and trying to "positive think" our way out of a deeply ingrained belief system. Deep down inside, we have got to listen for the wisdom of our emotions, stay with them, and ride the turbulent wave until it reaches the shore and dissolves into the sand.

It is not about wallowing in it, but noticing, welcoming, and letting go. If we wanted to avoid the ups and downs of life, attempting to be spiritually awake is a bad choice. Look at Jesus' life. Although he did not foolishly attract unnecessary difficulty, he never walked away from the hard choices before him. Instead, he walked toward them with a connection to "Abba" as his source of strength.

Below are simplified instructions for the Welcoming Prayer. I encourage you to visit Contemplative Outreach's Website for more detailed instructions. Also, my husband, Malcolm Marler wrote a blog on emotions recently which you might find interesting.

Finally, because it is such an important topic, I want to say that in addition to the help I received form counseling and prayer, I did choose to take medication. Like a lot of people, I tried to avoid taking that step. One of my concerns was that I would be "muted" less of who I truly am. However, in that circumstance, it actually allowed me get my head above water enough to be able to ride the waves. A seasoned professional can help with these important choices. Namaste

Welcoming Prayer
Movement One: FOCUS and sink into the energy and sensation in your body
Movement Two: "WELCOME" the troubling sensation . Choose a sacred symbol of your intention to consent to the presence and action of the indwelling Spirit.
Movement Three: "I let go of my desire for CONTROL/POWER"
"I let go of my desire for AFFECTION/ESTEEM/APPROVAL"
"I let go of my desire for SECURITY/SURVIVAL"
"I let go of my desire to CHANGE (the situation, feeling, emotion,....)





Over time