The other day I was on the phone with my younger, wiser sister Anne. She was excited about her experience at a 3-day retreat at the Tao Temple where she is a member. My family is like its own inter-faith council, Buddhists, Catholics, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Taoists. It didn't start out this way. Mom and Dad did the best they could to raise all eight of us Catholic. But like lots of families, when we kids went off into the world, we blazed our own trails. Although we don't agree on which path to take, I believe we are all trying to reach the same place.
But I digress. Anne told me about this amazing talk she gave during the retreat about the false self and the true self. To share her bits of wisdom in entirety would be too long (you're welcome to come to the retreat "The Way of the Mystic" at the house on Friday to hear the rest). However, the abbreviated version is...the false self identifies with the things of the flesh, things which are temporary. The true self identifies with matters of the Spirit. We need both, and both run through all experiences, it is just that we over-identify with the matters of the flesh we diminish the Spirit.
OK, so this blew me away because just last weekend Malcolm and I were teaching a Christian class on Fruit of the Spirit. Remember? And what were we reading? Galatians 5:16, "Live by the Spirit, I say and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh."
Later, Anne mentioned that one of the root meanings for the word "complain" is to "cause pain again." Isn't that the truth? As soon as we start complaining, we re-experience the pain. And the person to whom we are complaining is now in pain...first, because they probably want to fix it for us and second, because they have to listen to our complaining. I am not proposing that we never gripe about the bad breaks life can hand us, just hoping to create awareness about what is happening when we complain...we are reliving our pain.
On the other hand, the word "appreciate" actually means "to grow in value." So when we are genuinely grateful, praising we are responding from our true self--that which is connected to the things of the Spirit.
Are you still with me? If so, let's follow Anne's crumbs and walk down this trail toward transformation. All of us are going to experience trials in our lives. Most of us will hit some big ones, death of a loved one, divorce, illness, job loss is popular these days. Every time we experience a trial of some sort, we have the opportunity to grow in humility and in Spirit. By definition, a trial is not an easy thing to experience.
However, if we can use our trial as a pathway toward transformation; an opportunity to let go of some part of our false self that is clinging and complaining, we may find that we have dropped one of the steamer trunks of baggage that is keeping us from passing through the eye of the needle--the narrow gate.
A wonderful friend has recently been diagnosed with a serious, chronic illness. She has a young family to care for that she loves dearly. Managing this disease was not really in her game plan. The diagnosis came suddenly. Her response has been nothing short of heroic. Not because she isn't feeling her pain-she is. Not because she doesn't understand the changes this will demand of her-she does. After years of working with terminally ill patients and grieving mothers, she feels that in the grand scheme of things, this is manageable. More than likely, she will have to re-evaluate the number of commitments in her life, but she intends to keep on living. Given the other prognoses which were being ruled out, she is actually grateful. Yes, she is appreciative. And there in lies the heroism, she is feeling her pain AND she is appreciative.
That brings me to one of the last things Anne said to me, "Mary, if we complain about our trials they are only problems." If we allow our trials to be our teachers; use them as an opportunity to deepen our connection to the Divine; be willing to let go of the temporary pleasure we are clinging to, we may find them to be transformative.
Please do not hear me saying this path toward transformation is fast or simple or that we should flog ourselves when we do complain. Screaming, crying, shaking our fists are all normal reactions to hard stuff. I simply want to share with you the benefit of giving yourself the space to experience the meaning underneath the trial, not just the trouble of it.
Is there a trial in your life right now? If so, I invite you to take uninterrupted time and Dialogue with God. Sit in silence and ask for the Spirit's guidance. Reflect on how this trial is impacting you and others in your life. Give thanks to God for God's Presence and Love. If there is one question you would like to ask God, what would that be? Ask...sit in silence...LISTEN...close out your time by giving thanks for whatever gift was given to you. Ask for continued guidance and support. Trust it will be there. Namaste
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