Ave Maria

Maybe it is the 60 degree weather; or the fact that we still don't have our tree up; more than likely it has to do with Brendan's Thanksgiving accident. In any case, "it" is my lack of traditional Christmas spirit. I cannot remember a Saturday after Thanksgiving that wasn't spent trimming the tree. For the past five Christmases, Malcolm and I have picked out our tree from a sweet old farmer who hauls trees into downtown Cullman. The first year we met him, eyes moist with tears he told us that his daughter-in-law and grandson had died in a car accident just weeks before. We wept with him...treasuring our tree all the more. Every year since then, we have loyally visited his lot, inquiring about his widowed son, grateful for God's healing in their lives.

Yesterday after church I chose to forego the beloved tree search and asked Malcolm to drop me off at the grocery store so I could shop while he picked out the tree. When he picked me up and shared tales of our old friend, I half-heartedly listened. Something is different this year. Those old traditions seem hollow, rote.

And yet, meaningful new ways to celebrate the season are taking hold. Days spent making prayer beads for friends...long, recuperative walks with Brendan...Advent chants and prayers bubbling up from a newly discovered well. I find myself singing, "Come Light of Life into my heart...Come Light of Life into my heart..." A little ditty I created for an Advent workshop...sitting around a circle with 25 wonderful people chanting, "Come Light of Life into my heart..." that was powerful.

I have been Reading and re-reading the story in Luke when Mary was visited by the Angel Gabriel. What courage it must've taken for that fourteen-year-old girl to risk her future with Joseph, her very life by saying, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord."

Soon after her encounter with Gabriel, she hauled her barely pregnant self to visit her cousin...why? To help? To hide? I wonder if we haven't sanitized Mary to be the model of motherhood and perhaps missed of the significance of her response to the role she agreed to. Upon arriving at Elizabeth's home, Mary spoke the words of the Magnificat (listed below, also known as the Song of Mary). Look at these words from her heart...Mary is the bearer of her Jewish social justice tradition! Yet so often we have focused on her purity, her virginal qualities. I wonder if that obsession with her virginity isn't reflective of the church's discomfort with women's sexuality...a distraction from the powerful role model she is meant to be.

When we consider Mary and her preparation for the birth of Jesus, courage, powerful surrender, and service come to mind. This Advent season, how can we embody her in a more personal way? Not necessarily in the way we have been taught to regard Mary...as submissive to the point of passive; but rather as an empowered woman giving birth to the Love that will save us from ourselves.

I have more questions than answers, but perhaps this lack of enthusiasm with the traditional Christmas preparation is more indicative of something new stirring than it is of a lack of love and respect for tradition. Hmmmm--maybe that is what this season is all about after all.

Advent Blessings to you and yours! May the Light of Life come into your hearts!

The Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55 NRSV)

And Mary said, ‘My soul magnifies the Lord, ⁴⁷ and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour, ⁴⁸for he has looked with favour on the lowliness of his servant.
Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed; ⁴⁹for the Mighty One has done great things for me,
and holy is his name. ⁵⁰His mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation. ⁵¹He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. ⁵²He has brought down the powerful from their thrones,
and lifted up the lowly; ⁵³he has filled the hungry with good things,
and sent the rich away empty. ⁵⁴He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy, ⁵⁵according to the promise he made to our ancestors,
to Abraham and to his descendants for ever.’

Angels Everywhere

Recently our son Brendan was in a serious car accident. Thankfully, he is home and recovering well. Often when tragedy hits, we are at the mercy of strangers. The phone call came the evening before Thanksgiving. We were thrust into a world we didn't wish to enter. Mercifully, we encountered angels everywhere.

It was dusk when I rushed out of my car, running toward the flashing lights. A chorus of voices called from a porch, "Mom, mom...he's over here. He's alright." Malcolm had arrived ahead of me. He and the family that lived in the home surrounding Brendan. A woman wrapped Brendan in a blanket, apologizing for the pink princess design. She offered to take him inside.

After arriving at the hospital in Cullman, we were told that Brendan would have to be airlifted to UAB's trauma unit--he had broken a vertebrae. Nauseous, I angsted over whether we should stay with Brendan until the helicopter arrived, or to get a head start so we could get to UAB soon after Brendan would. The ER nurse assured us she would stay with him every minute until the chopper came and call us as soon as he took off. Then she touched Malcolm's elbow, "Sir, you have one job right now and that is NOT to try and beat that helicopter, because you won't and your son needs you to get there safely." Hating to leave, we knew Brendan was in caring hands.

Angels everywhere...the chaplain waiting for Brendan to arrive and stay with him until we could get to UAB...the nurse who sat with me when I needed to leave the room and catch my breath...the friend, who is a medical professional, who stayed in the ER well past midnight, protectively overseeing Brendan's care...friends and strangers, earning wings with tenderness beyond duty...meeting our questions, our eyes, our hearts with compassionate care.

Brendan arrived at his room around 3:30 am. A team of nurses and nursing assistants converged on him, mothering, soothing, kidding with him...reassuring both of us, "He's gonna be alright. These young healthy ones, they do great!"

I asked for a washcloth to bathe him. One of the assistants came back with a pan of warm, soapy water and a pile of washcloths. She held out her hand with a white cloth and my mind flashed on kneeling at the rail, hands outstretched to receive the Eucharist. Gently she smiled at me, "Mama, you get on that side and I'll be on this one. We gonna do this together." Then she turned to Brendan, smoothed his forehead with her thumb, "We gonna take good care of you baby. Don't you worry. You are a sweet boy...Your mama and I are gonna take real good care of you. You had a hard night, but it's gonna get better. I promise you. It's gonna get better. Just relax, we'll get this stuff off of you. Just relax." I have heard it said, "Every breath you take is the breath of God." This angel whose name I do not even remember, reminded me to breathe...that there was a Loving Presence among us, sustaining us...whose hands were holding out washcloths like Communion wafers.

Ours was truly a Thanksgiving filled with blessings. For that we are grateful. Namaste

Money, Money, Money...

Sometimes people believe since I spent the early part of my career as a financial planner, I have some magical financial gifts. If only...I struggle as much or more than the next person with my relationship to money. In fairness, those early years might have ruined me. It was the late 1980's and I was instructed to work only with people earning six figures and worth over $1 million. I was surrounded by extravagant lifestyles...travel, clothes, fine wine and dining. Oh, those were the days!

Many of my wealthy clients were very happy...had families they loved and meaningful work. These folks seemed to have a healthy attitude about their money--they enjoyed it, but they weren't defined by it. There was an openness about them...with their resources and with their hearts. Working with them was rewarding and enjoyable. They seemed to appreciate the gifts they had been given.

Others seemed to have insatiable appetites for more, and a fierce determination to hold on to what they had--no matter what the cost. I remember a young surgeon earning $450,000 per year. He had every luxury you might expect for someone in his situation, but he was overly-concerned about losing his money. It was as if holding on tight caused him great pain. His wealth was a source of stress, instead of relief. When I reviewed his tax return and saw he only donated $1,500 per year to charity, I was disappointed (and judgmental). This same man repeatedly cancelled appointments and had little respect for my time. Ultimately, I fired him as a client.

When Malcolm traveled to Zambia five years ago he was deeply touched by the generous spirit of the people there. Even though most earned less than $1 per day, they seemed to be living joyfully. Young orphans in tattered clothes prayed fervently with Malcolm, they laughed and played on the grounds of the Catholic Convent they called "home." A woman living in nothing more than a tin shack smiled broadly when she learned Malcolm was a minister and wanted him to know, "God has been good to me!" Families destroyed by AIDS would take in yet another mouth to feed, sharing the little that they had.

This money thing, it is tricky for many of us. I am not saying we should live as if we were in a third world economy. Thankfully, money allows us to have and do many great things. It can also own us, become an obsession, hold too high of a place in our hearts. Tangled in the web of our money beliefs are messages from our parents, cultural norms, past successes and failures, fears about the economy, desires to look and feel good. Some of the most important decisions we make have to do with how we choose to earn, save, give, and spend our money.

I wonder if our African brothers and sisters don't have a lesson for us about smiling in the sun, regardless of what we are wearing, giving thanks for the blessings we do have, and making room for those in need.

Could it be that our relationship with money reflects something deeper in our hearts? How does our relationship with money impact our other relationships? Financial freedom is a term that has been defined many ways. I wonder if it doesn't have something to do with appreciating what we have, living within our means, and sharing the gifts we have been given with great joy. I wonder if financial freedom isn't about appreciating the ebb and flow...receiving...giving...receiving...giving.

I invite you to take some time and consider:

• How would I define my relationship with money?
• In what way(s) does money impact relationships with others?
  
• What does financial freedom mean to me?
• What one step could I take today to better align my money with my values?

Namaste

The Holy Mystery

Franciscan monk and contemplative, Richard Rohr spoke in Atlanta last Saturday. Over 500 people filled the pews at St. Phillip Episcopal Cathedral. Humble and humorous, Fr. Richard kept us spell-bound for hours. Below are just a few morsels from the ten pages of notes that I took.

• The dualistic mind doesn't like mystery. When we have a new experience we divide the field...that which we agree with and like--we welcome. The negative, problematic, and different--we eliminate.
  
• To be non-dualistic is to hold the paradox, the dark and the light. (way oversimplified, but gives a taste of his teaching on this)
  
• The dualistic mind is not bad, it allows us to read, learn, etc., but it can not go far enough.
  
• We need a Capernican Revolution...just as we learned that the earth is not the center of the universe; the soul has to suffer the the same displacement...God is the center, not us.
• People who have love of God have tremendous humility...when you meet the Holy One, you know that you don't know.
• Karl Rahner said that we should not use the word "God" for fifty years. Instead, we should use the term, "Holy Mystery" because to name It is to act as if we understand It.
• From David White poem, "What to Remember When Waking," "what you can plan is too small for you to live."
• The Reformation was oppositional...contemplation died in the Reformation because it focused on opposition.
• What we call contemplation today, was simply called prayer.
• The "third eye" is a Christian term.
  
• The Enlightenment wasn't very enlightening.
• The dualistic mind is not a joyful mind.
• You are present when head space, heart space, and gut space can open at the same time...keep mind space open...don't form your conclusions...do not judge. (notes for the heart and body opening were too long to simplify, sorry!)
• Find the gift of your soul and find a way to give this gift. It usually doesn't involve making money.

If you would like to learn more about Richard Rohr and his work you may go to the website for the Center for Action and Contemplation. He is truly a transformational teacher. Namaste

Out of the Mouths of Babes

"What was your disappointing news Mom?" Brendan asked. After I told him he wondered, "What will you do now?"

"I don't know. I am too sad, mad, and hurt to make decisions right now." I replied, "Experience tells me this is the time to wait, not the time to act."

A long pause followed.

"You know that comtemplative prayer you do? You might want to spend some time with that." He suggested. Then after another pause he added, "And a lot of people are going to think they know what you should do, but only you can know that mom. Just remember that."

AHHHHHH, and the student becomes the teacher. Namaste

Community Carries Us

At dinner, I was surrounded by long-time friends...kidding with one another in the way only those who know us best can.

Each of the women at the table was carrying some form of pain...dreams dashed...marriages sputtering toward collapse...adult children making poor choices...parents and pets dying.

And still there was laughter...HOLY LAUGHTER.

And yes there were tears...HOLY TEARS.

Perhaps this is what is meant by church. Honest, loving community carrying one another, honoring the Holy Mystery with our reverence and presence for one another. Namaste

Dance of the Fog

A single lamp lit the great room...darkness shrouding the house. During morning prayers, the shadows had parted...opening to grey/blue skies accented with pink...fog rising from the water.

Earthbound clouds shift and move with each breath. To stand watch over their dance is to remember the fluidity and fragility of life. If I walk away for even a moment, I risk missing some miraculous, momentary formation.

In the summer the lake is a cool respite from scorching Southern heat...busy with boats, parties on docks, children squealing with delight. Fall brings cold feet on the deck, rose-breasted grosbeaks at the feeder, and the dance of the morning fog. Namaste

Don't Fight It

"I love your new hair!" My friend exclaimed. "It is as if your face isn't fighting for attention with your hair anymore." I thought that was such a funny line...face and hair vying for attention. But then I told her, "I just got tired of the time and money involved with dying it. I figured, chop it all off and let's see what is really underneath. I have been fighting my natural color for over 20 years!"

I love this new "do." I don't know if I look any better or worse, but I do know that it is fabulous not to waste any time or gobs of money on coloring. And in the past, I have LOVED coloring! It is so short now, that when I go swimming...it is shake your head simple.

For years I was afraid to reveal the true head of hair underneath the decades of processed chemicals...kinda like the anxiety we can feel when we consider exposing the essence of who we truly are.

The expectations we have for ourselves, and others have for us, layer upon us like processed personhood...until one day, we can't remember what we really look like; who we really are.

In fact, similar to when those grey roots start to peak out, we can be quick to cover up our true nature...what if it isn't pretty? What if others don't like "her?" And without even realizing it, we have been fighting ourselves for years, maybe even decades.

How many self-inflicted battles have I borne because of "self" denial? It can be so easy for me to support others to "listen to that still small voice," but when mine comes up with some unconventional wisdom, I question it greatly.

I admire my wise friends who have dropped the struggle with themselves long ago. I yearn to be like them...revealing their roots (and I'm not talking hair here), exposing their hopes and dreams, living into the presence of this moment, rather than wondering how they will be perceived...unguarded, vulnerable, loving. These men and women who have put down their arms are truly inspirational. Namaste

Living Awake

Jenny sees funny things the rest of us miss. Her humor is never mean-spirited, she simply sees irony everywhere. One time, she was in church and the fire and brimstone minister was exuberantly singing, "When the roll is called up yonder I'll be there!" All the while, jabbing his pointed finger toward the ground. That one, it makes her bust a gut!

The other day, she sent me a text message I only half understood about the guy in the cow suit for chik-fil-a waving in the wrong direction. What I did understand was the end of her message, "Tell me this is not the funniest planet ever!" My reply was, "It is if you live awake like you do."

A couple of weeks ago one of our friends brought over his 18 month-old and 2 1/2 year-old daughters. His wife was out of town and he wanted to watch a football game with Malcolm. I got to play "auntie" for a couple of hours.

It has been a while since small children have blessed this house. I took the girls into Brendan and Kiki's rooms and they picked out two huge stuffed St. Bernards to play with. We laid the dogs on the carpet. One of the adults would count, "one, two, three!" and the girls would jump onto the stuffed dogs, clinging to their necks, rolling and laughing. This process was repeated innumerable times...each jump followed by squeals of glee as if it was the first one.

Their joy was infectious, Malcolm and I were making silly faces, grabbing the camera...energized by their ALIVENESS!

Little children remind us how to live awake...wonder, joy, playing until you need a nap, making funny faces, dancing, loving, laughing, LOOKING.

At what age do we stop seeing that we do in fact live on the funniest, most beautiful planet? Is it a gradual or sudden process? When was the first time I mindlessly drove home, ignoring the sun setting on the pasture of white calves near Miss Stella's house?

What would it be like if tomorrow morning, instead of "getting out of bed," I decided to "wake up?" Even if my day isn't filled with stuffed St. Bernard's to jump on; even if there were a few rottweilers nipping my heels, I wonder if my experience of life wouldn't be richer if I engaged all of my senses in this process of being...eyes and heart fully open.

I hope I will be inspired by Jenny and the girls and LIVE AWAKE. Namaste

Devotion that Inspires

"Why don't you schedule the surgery?" I asked my friend. He had been experiencing excruciating back pain and recently found out there was a surgery that might alleviate his discomfort.

"I have a special gift I'm finishing up. The doctor said there is a chance I will not be able to do my woodworking for a while, maybe ever again, after the surgery. It will take some time, but I want to finish this gift beforehand. I want to know it is done." He replied.

Knowing how much his pain had impacted his physical and emotional well being, my initial reaction was open-mouthed astonishment.

As the day wore on, I kept coming back to our conversation...wondering about the spark of love that was carrying him through his pain...love for the recipient...love for his art...

I was haunted by the sense of legacy in his voice...to know this gift of his handiwork would live on years beyond his physical body.

Oh, to love with such devotion...Oh to live with such passion...Namaste

Day 41: A Grateful Heart

Mine is a grateful heart...
for the Spirit-led nudge to write ...

for your companionship...

This morning the alarm went off before sunrise. A fruitful time before dawn...darkness pregnant with promise. Coffee in one hand, journal in the other, I penned my thoughts about the time which we marked for renewal. What has been renewed? What have I learned? So much has happened...

I will share with you a couple of thoughts about my experience of the past 40 days in hopes that they might have meaning for you.

Discipline is not a dirty word.
I didn't realize when I committed to write each day how many obstacles I would encounter. My guess is, this would be the case for most of us. Below are just a few of the times I struggled with keeping to my commitment.

When we traveled to Utah, I just wanted to hang out with Malcolm, Mom, and Dad. At first I resented anything that would interfere with my down time. But the vacation was richer for the writing...reclaiming prompted Malcolm and me to ride the chair lift to the top of the mountain, and mountain bike down. (Luckily Malcolm recovered from his fall...a whole other story. We truly LOVED the beauty and the experience of pushing ourselves physically in the outdoors.)

The morning after we flew back home from from vacation, I received a text message from Brendan, "Swine flu have to come home." When we walked in the door after I had driven over 7 hours back and forth from Auburn, all I wanted to do was tend to my 6'4" "baby." Yet it was good for him, and for me, to give him space. My computer probably saved him some smothering. (Did you ever notice that "mothering" is contained in "smothering?) In any case, "Listening To Our Bodies" was a result of my mortification that Brendan had spent 48 hours alone in his dorm room in misery before going to get help.

One Saturday, after 5 hours of sitting in the rain watching a college football game, showering and snuggling up on the couch seemed like a great plan. Thankfully, our hostess, Ina encouraged me to sit at their computer and write...I came dangerously close to bailing that night. The downside of that decision much greater for me than for any of my readers. Ina's presence inspired the post on being an encourager.

Last weekend our internet router crashed. The only way to get "connected" was to drive 40 minutes into town and write at Berkeley Bob's coffee shop. It was raining (again) and for some reason, making the trek to town seemed more daunting than it should have. Thankfully, Malcolm tagged along to keep me company.

I don't share with you this litany of speed bumps along the road so that you will feel sorry for me or think highly of me. Many of you overcome obstacles much greater each day. I know a few of you are commuting to seminaries in Atlanta from homes in Alabama; one of you has endured pneumonia; Brendan was not the only one impacted by swine-flu; at least one of you has been given an unwelcome diagnosis; children have been sent to college; ailing parents have been tended; husbands have experienced disturbing symptoms; jobs have been lost. And yet, in the midst of these challenges, you have carried on.

Some days I have felt the "finished product" was better than others. Yet when it was most difficult to write, I found great meaning in the process. I can't help but wonder if there wasn't a touch of grace in my focus shifting from "getting it done," to desiring to touch souls...to being faithful to my promise. I am reminded that the promise is fulfilled when we stay disciplined in following our hearts.

Community carries us.
Thank you for your insights and encouragement...this was not a lonely pursuit. Knowing anyone was following, was reason enough to "show up" each day. Thank you for inspiring me...helping to reignite the flame. We are all better people because of those who carry us and those whom we choose to carry.

Art makes us better observers/participants in life.
I remember when I was writing Dancing Naked Under the Moon: Uncovering the Wisdom Within I realized how I noticed details in a deeper way. Something about taking the time to write...in a journal...on a blog...to a loved one, opens up the pathway to SEEING differently. At times, I have felt the presence of this new way of SEEING, it is so alive! I have heard painters say that when they are painting, they see more colors, more detail in their lives.

I want to take this series and carry it another step or two or three or four or wherever the Spirit might want to carry it. Can you envision a booklet...for individuals...with a facilitator's guide in the back...small groups could gather to support and share once a week...perhaps the exercises, the community will benefit those who are desiring an experiential faith. I can feel it wanting to be born. Any thoughts you might have are most welcome.

I will continue to write on this blog...maybe not every day, but frequently...other series themes are bubbling up. You will continue to receive the new posts unless you "unsubscribe."

Again, THANK YOU! Namaste

Day 40: You Did It!

Ah, so here we are...day 40 of 40. You did it! I cannot thank you enough for walking with me. Knowing you were by my side inspired me greatly.

Do you remember what was happening in your life when we started on August 24th? Is it hard to believe this time has passed so quickly?

When I wrote that first post for the series, I briefly summarized the significance of the number 40 in the Bible and mentioned, "Each of these examples speaks to a time of testing which led to renewal and the fulfillment of promises."

I wonder, have you experience a time of testing or a sense of renewal? How about the fulfillment of any promises?

There are no right or wrong answers; this is simply a wonderful opportunity to reflect on where we have been these past 40 days. How are you the same? How are you different? What shifted? What didn't?

In that first post I quoted Shah Nazar Ali Kianfar, a Sufi master, "40 days, according to the teachings and practice of the prophets and holy masters, is the mystical number of the course of perfection, a course that leads to an experience of the true essence of one's humanity."

And I mused..."by staying committed to this practice, for this period of time, we open ourselves to a greater likelihood of 'experiencing the essence of one's humanity;' that the path on this journey will take unimagined twists and turns."

I know for me, this has come to pass. But I am more interested in you. How, if at all, you have experienced the essence of your humanity? Has this journey taken any unexpected twists and turns?

Give yourself at least 20 minutes to reflect, perhaps even journal about how this time has been for you. (Preferably you will give yourself the gift of an hour...soft music, candles, incense the works...hey, create your own ritual of completion...high five yourself in the mirror...bow to the North, South, East, and West...give thanks to God...go for it!)

Have you felt a sense of playful exploration and tried some of the suggested exercises? If so, what were your favorites? Did you simply read and feed your soul that way? Did you remember to feed your soul? Was it enjoyable? Was it hard?

What has happened in your life since late August? What has been exciting? Have you been disappointed? Surprised by grace? Steeped in frustration? How have you grown? How is your connection to the Divine? To yourself? To others?

If you like, share your thoughts in the comment section below or send me an email.

I hope you will indulge me; tomorrow I am going to write a Day 41 to share some of my reflections on our time together and the ideas which have birthed from this journey. For me, you have been a midwife; I imagine you too are giving birth.

You have touched me deeply. Thank you...May you be happy...May you be healthy....May you be peaceful....May you know LOVE...Namaste

Day 39: Sacred Space

"The Celtic tradition honors the nearness and every day presence of the Divine...God is to be found by looking deeply into life." Jerry Wright, Minister and Jungian Analyst.

"God is to be found looking deeply into life."

Looking deeply into life...Deeply into life...
Into life...Life...

All of life is an opening to God. Pouring coffee in the morning, driving to work, listening to a friend, cooking dinner, walking the dog, crying over a sad movie, laughing with a loved one, getting angry, making love,...God is to be found looking deeply into life.

We need not travel far, or look for God "out there." The Celts were aware of the "radical imminence of God." Jerry Wright believes, "God is not a 'Being,' but BEING itself; the animating presence of all life."

What beautiful imagery. How easy it can be to lose sight of this radical imminence. Life takes over and we forget the divinity in each breath. Emotions grip us and we forget to lean into them with the loving support of the "Animating Presence." Such is the path of the human.

Rabbi Rami Shapiro says it well, "Remembering and Forgetting is my spiritual path." And so it is.

For many of us, creating a daily ritual is a touchstone, reminder of the "imminence of God." Others also have designated space in their homes or apartments where they go to commune with God.

I have an old chest underneath a window overlooking a garden. Placed on the chest are beautiful cards I have been given by Sr. Mary, my sister Kathy, and a iconography of Mary Magdalene painted by one of the sisters at St. Helena. There are also painted stones of Buddhist monks, a chalice made by Kiki at camp years ago, Rhonda's pink rosary beads, mala beads, a gift of sand given by Brendan long ago, a picture of Lama Norlha, a candle from Caroline, an iconography of the trinity from Sandra, an incense holder, a hand painted Ukrainian egg made by Sr. KC, a Celtic cross from Patty, Boomer's purple dog collar, a wooden statue of Mary and Jesus that Mom brought back from Oberammergau, and a prayer shawl made by a retreat participant. This is my altar. In front of the altar is a purple meditation cushion and zafu given as a birthday gift from Malcolm years ago.

Yes, God is found looking deeply into life...in all the moments that make a life. And for me, taking time to light candles, burn incense, sit in silence and honor and acknowledge the Animating Presence is a touchstone in each day. A call to home. A call to forgive. A call to ask forgiveness. A call to love. A call to laugh. A call to cry. A call to BE.

If you have a daily ritual and/or sacred space in your home, take a moment and consider what this ritual/space is and how it feeds you. Could you benefit from "refreshing" it in some way? New candles? A new prayer? Perhaps it is lovely as it is...give thanks.

If you do not have a daily ritual and/or sacred space in your home. I encourage you to take time to create them. Have fun with this. What is meaningful to you? What reminds you of the Sacred?

If you would like any support in putting this together, please feel free to email me at mary@marybeasullivan.com. Enjoy! Namaste

Day 38: Can You Throw Me a Line?

As the sun faded over the tree-lined hills, the glow from the nearly-full moon blazed brighter and brighter. Boat gently rocking on still water, an owl hooting nearby; the shrill cry from an unidentified bird; insects singing their night songs...what a peaceful way to end the day.

Feeling grateful and ready to head home, Malcolm turned the key in the engine...rrrrr...chug...rrrr. Not a comforting sound. He tried again, and again, and again...until the smell of gas alerted us to give the engine a rest.

We were about two miles from home. Before we knew we would be stranded, we had gone out of our way to find a secluded spot on the lake from which to watch the sunset. There were no houses nearby and the temperature was dropping fast. It had been over an hour since we had seen another boat.

Resting the engine for a while, Malcolm tried again....rrrr....chug....chug...rrrr. We were literally dead in the water. Snuggling in close for warmth we tried to console ourselves by focusing on the magnificent array of stars twinkling in the fall sky. We joked that it could be worse, and created a number of those possible scenarios.

Hesitant to "be a bother," we finally found the number for a neighbor and called for help. Luckily, they were here at the lake, and not at their home in Birmingham. We don't know these neighbors well. We have done little, if nothing to promote friendship with them. They immediately offered to come and tow us with their boat. Malcolm thanked them profusely. As we waited, it was easier to enjoy the night sky, knowing help was on the way.

When our neighbors arrived, they pulled up close and threw us a rope to tie to our boat. We chatted amicably while the boat was being secured...learned a little bit about who was staying with them this week...how they had been caring for elderly parents...that their grown children had moved back home. Details of their lives we had not taken any time to learn until this moment, made possible by the rope which now connected us.

Reflecting on the generous spirit of our neighbors I thought about how hard it is for most of us to ask someone to "throw us a rope." Pride, discomfort with vulnerability, not wanting to inconvenience others, and a number of other reasons, make it tough to reach out in our darkest moments.

Conversely, I also thought about a family member who has been asking me to "throw her a line" in a roundabout way. Feeling busy, I haven't taken the time to offer that which might help tow her toward home.

Independence is valued greatly in our world. Yet, it is opening to interdependence that we learn the gentle flow of giving...receiving...giving...receiving...LOVING and LIVING together.

Do you need someone to throw you a line? Are you stuck, sad, hurt and afraid to ask for help? Sit with this...what do you need? who might help you? how could you ask?

Is there someone who has been reaching out for help? How could you offer a hand without feeling resentful?

Well, I need to run next door to deliver my "thank you" gift. I'm looking forward to getting to know my neighbor better. Namaste

Day 37: Wu Wei

Malcolm is starting a new job next week. In an effort to create space between his old position, which he held for 15 years, and his new one, he is taking this week off.

In his new role, Malcolm will be the Director of Pastoral Care at UAB Hospital. Ordained as a minister 30 years ago, he has never worn a clerical collar. But Malcolm has been thinking it would be nice to wear one at the hospital so patients, families, and staff would know that he is a minister...kind of like when you see a white coat, you know that person is a doctor.

Yesterday was not the respite Malcolm had hoped for. After numerous hours scouring websites and a trip in to Birmingham visiting three different stores, (with incredibly s-l-o-w help!) Malcolm could not find the shirts and collars he wanted to wear.

A patient soul by nature, he became agitated, frustrated...the shirt search fiasco, the manifestation of any anxiety he had about his new job. When we arrived home late last night he announced, "I think I am just going to wear a shirt and tie and wait to decide about wearing this collar." It seemed like wisdom to me...from the beginning, the shirt search was cause for consternation and questioning.

Also, the shirt search is a stark contrast to Malcolm's taking this new position. He had not been looking for a job; in fact loved his position and the people he had been working with. A phone call from an old friend...an updated resume...numerous discussions that became more and more energizing...job offer...acceptance...

Thinking back on Malcolm's experience, I am reminded of the Taoist term, wu wei (pronounced woo way). In essence, wu wei speaks to effortless action that comes from being tuned in with "the eternal Tao." According to Wikipedia, "the purpose of wu wei is to be aligned with the Tao, and as a result, attain an irresistible form of soft and invisible power."

Rough Christian translation, "Be still and know that I am God," and wait to act from the stillness....connecting with the stirring of the Holy Spirit. But too often in our culture, pushing to get ahead, or rushing to do too much, takes precedence over "effortless action."

How many times have we found ourselves swimming against the current...struggling to create something whose time had not yet come? On the other hand, isn't it profoundly rewarding when, with apparent ease, we feel as if we are swimming downstream?

In the Taoist philosophy, intention is the key. Wu wei is not about inaction, but taking right action at the right time, with right intention. The Tao Te Ching (pronounced Dao De Jing) is a classic Chinese text believed to be written around 6th century B.C. by Lao Tzu. Chapter 2 refers to this concept of wu wei:

The Sage is occupied with the unspoken

and acts without effort.

Teaching without verbosity,

producing without possessing,

creating without regard to result,

claiming nothing,

the Sage has nothing to lose.

When in your life have you felt like you were pushing hard, swimming upstream with great effort? What happened? Are you experiencing that somewhere in your life right now? Could you take time to be still and wait for a sense of right intention, right timing, and right action?

Conversely, when have you experienced "effortless action?" Can you identify some of the qualities of your way of being in that experience? Were there things you did/didn't do that helped create this sense of wu wei?

Take time in prayer...journal about these questions and/or the passage above from the Tao Te Ching and how it relates to your life.

I am happy to report Malcolm is wuing his wei out to enjoy the gorgeous fall weather from the deck...Namaste

For more information on Wu Wei you may want to read this article by Ted Kardash

Day 36: Love God Love Neighbor

In her book, The Desert Mothers, Rev. Mary C. Earle quotes Amma Syncletica as saying, "Salvation is exactly this--the two-fold love of God and of our neighbor."

Sounds familiar doesn't it? Many of us have heard/read Matthew 22:36-40 many times. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and all the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Easy to read...not so easy to live.

Earle contends that one of the perennial truths of the desert tradition was the scriptural description of humanity as being made "in the image and likeness of God." (Genesis 1:26) Maybe this is where we get hung up. Some of the people we come across have done such a great job of covering up their image and likeness of anything good that finding a nugget of God in them is like digging for a single diamond in a 600 acre field.

But dig we must.

Wouldn't it be great if we could only have people around us that we found easy to get along with? People who affirmed us, agreed with us, made us feel so good. Oh, what an easy life that would be!! Not very realistic though.

Dig we must.

I find inspiration in Rachel Naomi Remen's, My Grandfather's Blessings, Remen describes a teaching from the Kabbalah (the mystical teachings of Judaism), "...at some point in the beginning of things, the Holy was broken up into countless sparks, which were scattered throughout the universe. There is a god spark in everyone and in everything, a sort of diaspora of goodness."

Oh, I want to mine this "god spark" and be so bold as to help others to find it in themselves. Hey, that might be part of the answer...if we can believe in our own being created in the image and likeness of God, perhaps it would be easier to find it in others.

It always comes back to practice for me...practical reminders of staying on the path.

When I attended a retreat facilitated by Mary Earle she taught us a beautiful mantra. I love to use it in walking (or running believe it or not) meditation.

If you want to try this, take time, hopefully out in nature (this is also beautiful to practice in a labyrinth or a sanctuary), breathe in a prayer of gratitude, create an intention for your time, then slowly place your left foot on the ground thinking or saying out loud, "Love God." When you intentionally place your right foot on the ground think or say, "Love Neighbor." As you walk, slowly repeat with each footfall, "Love God...Love Neighbor....Love God....Love Neighbor...Love God...Love Neighbor...Love God...Love Neighbor..." Namaste

Note: the term Amma is given to an abbess or a spiritual mother. Isn't it a beautiful word? Who are some of the Ammas in your life? I give thanks for all of mine!

Day 35: Savin' Aint Lovin'

The other day I was with a group of people and someone suggested I might be able to help an organization that was in great need. One of the women at the table jokingly placed her hand in front of her mouth, turning from the other woman saying, "You don't have to be the savior...don't save them!"

When Brendan and Kiki were younger I would frequently want to rescue them from feeling any hurt or pain. Shouldn't I protect them? But sometimes my protecting went well beyond what was healthy for them or healthy for me.

Their first year in a new high school, Brendan was playing football and Kiki had decided not to play a sport that season. Other than Brendan, she didn't know anyone at the school and wanted me to come and pick her up, hang out with her in town until after his practice was over and then drive them both home.

For the first week I accommodated Kiki, but I began to resent the time spent in a coffee shop waiting when I had so many other things I could be doing. The next week I informed Kiki she would have to find something to do on campus until Brendan was finished. She was angry and apprehensive. When 3:15 rolled around on the first day of our new schedule, I had a pit in my stomach; every inch of my being wanted to swoop in and save her from being alone...uncomfortable...scared.

I picked them up at 5:30 and Kiki seemed fine, but would not admit anything positive about her experience. By the end of the week, she had found a cadre of girls to hang out with that four years later continue to be her closest friends.

Of course, sometimes when we choose not to be the hero and fill the void, things don't work out so well. Loved ones struggling with addiction can be particularly difficult. The line between being supportive and standing in the way of the another's growth is razor thin.

When I was going through my divorce, I started to understand that "savin' aint lovin." Also, that my need to be the savior said more about my need to be needed; need to control the situation, than it did about the other person.

Take a few minutes to reflect: Is there someone, or some organization, that you repeatedly feel you need to save? Sit with this for a while...why don't I trust the other to be able to solve this on their own? What am I afraid will happen if I don't rescue? What need am I trying to fulfill by being the savior? How could I do this differently? Be gentle with yourself and the other...this savin'/lovin' confusion is widespread. If we can be honest with ourselves and approach the relationship from a different place, we may find a wonderful new way of truly loving. Namaste

Day 34: OutPouring

Sometimes I hold back...don't fully invest myself in a relationship or a project. Do you ever do that? There are different reasons for hesitating, trust...time...are probably the two biggies.

Cynthia Borgeault tells of Jesus' self-emptying...I like to think of it as OutPouring, with reckless abandon. That doesn't sound safe to me at all, very risky stuff.

What if I pour all of myself into a relationship and that person doesn't live up to my expectations, or they hurt me? Emptying myself sounds like a prescription for burnout.

And yet, others have poured all of themselves into loving me...I have benefited from my mother's love; friends who supported me when I was grieving; Malcolm's unbridled generosity toward Brendan, Kiki, and me.

I have been hurt before because I set up expectations for how I wanted to the other person to respond to my expressions of love. Maybe this OutPouring has more to do with the giving of gifts and nothing to do with keeping track...of getting credit...reciprocation...any expectation of something in return.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to pour out the gifts we have to share...gift of a smile, gift of a compassionate ear, gift of food, gift of healing...any gift, with our sole focus being the OutPouring of what we choose to share? I wonder how much more joyful would be our giving.

Maybe I could avoid burnout if I made sure I only gave what I had to give as opposed to giving what I think I should give. Wow! That would be kinda different.

There is a place in my life where I have been holding back...playing safe...afraid to pour out all of what I have to give. I don't want to be rejected, or hurt, but that self-limiting talk is an affront to the Giver of all gifts. I want to love with reckless abandon, stop counting the costs and waiting for something in return.

Is there a place in your life where you are holding back? Could you be so brave as to Pour Out all that you have with joy and hope and trust that there is great abundance from which you may give? I wish you well in this endeavor, perhaps we could support each other in this consuming way of loving. Namaste.

Day 33: Being With Paradox

When we see our world in "either/or" terms we narrow our vision considerably. It can be easy to make assumptions based upon a small amount of information. Consider politics these days. If you are a Democrat, it has become natural to assume all Republicans are "bad." Republicans do the same in regard to Democrats. This kind of thinking makes for simple sorting, but not a very deep way of being.

The truth is, we are a world of "both/and;" a world of paradox.

Taking the political example one step further...although I may not agree with someone regarding health care, I might find we share a passion for empowering teenagers to be the best they can. But finding that out would require being with the paradox...slowing down the sorting system.

The sorting system causes unnecessary pain in relationships. Inevitably, human beings make mistakes. After we have categorized a person, or an institution as "good," when they do something to hurt or disappoint us, we become disillusioned. If we harbor unrealistic expectations for others to be "all good all the time," it's a long fall from the pedestal. The messiness of relationship requires missteps and forgiveness...abiding in a love that is greater than our human frailties...and it calls us to be with the paradox.

Richard Rohr reminds us that Christ turned the world on its head with teachings like, "He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous." Mt 5:45. Rohr and other teachers compel us to move beyond the "either/or" way of thinking and instead move to the "both/and" way of being.

HOW??

Not easy...maybe we can acknowledge when we are sorting, and slow the process. Being with paradox is not an exercise of the brain, but the heart...the brain is thinking based, the heart-sensation based.

Sitting in meditation or contemplative prayer each day helps us to develop this sensation-based way of being. It allows us to expand the capacity for our inner observer and develop the patience to wait...to respond rather than react.

Take at least five minutes, preferably twenty, and sit in silence...notice your breathing, feel the air moving through your nostrils, down to your chest, back up and out again. Simply stay with your breathing...if you are distracted by thoughts, just come back to your breathing...

Also, this week make an extra effort to open your horizons and dialogue with or reach out to someone who you previously would have sorted out of your life. Enjoy being with the paradox. Namaste

Day 32: Life as a Prayer

"Mom, I don't understand, my whole life is a prayer." That was Kiki's response to a question I posed during a "home church" service a few years ago.

What a mind-blower!

There is a lot of confusion about prayer. Once I read a book that made it seem as if we prayed in just the "right" way we could manifest whatever we wanted in our lives. Kind of like a prayer ATM. When I tried this "practice" I found myself concerned about whether I was doing it right. If things didn't work out the way I thought they should, I would wonder if I had prayed wrong. How crazy is that?

The book and movie, "The Secret" has been an answer to prayer for the author, but I am not so sure about the rest of us. It seems like an extension of the thinking that angered me when Rhonda was dying of cancer. Think/pray the right way and this cancer will go away...a fabulous way to heap guilt on those who are sick, or poor, or suffering in some way.

Maybe the REAL SECRET is to attain an inner peace no matter what the external circumstances...not some mindset that can't find the Sacred in the suffering; or a materialistic prosperity prayer. (Nothing wrong with prosperity mind you.)

I know some folks are tired of "God language" being used as a club to beat their way of thinking into other's heads. Showy, public displays of prayer fly in the face of Jesus' command to, "go into your room, close the door and pray...." Matthew 6:6

Some people wonder if intercessory prayer is an arrogant way of telling God what to do...Also, there is an uncomfortable connotation here that perhaps God is a puppeteer pulling strings, "HMMMM let's give Mary a dose of cancer and fix Joey's broken radiator...Oops! Nevermind, he prayed the wrong way!"

The Quakers have a beautiful way of holding people and intentions, "in the light." Since learning of this practice, when I know of someone in need; or I am thinking about someone I love and want to bless, I "hold them in the light." Taking a moment to send blessing is a way for me to love that person...and to trust the LOVE which created all of us.

Those of us who desire a connection to the Sacred/God/Beloved/Divine/Love...whatever name you want to use, crave a way to communicate...a way to be in relationship.

If we were to take Kiki's perspective on prayer-what is it we are praying? Are we praying good will and love? Are we praying worry and strife? Are we praying healing, supportive presence? Are we praying anger and jealousy? What are our prayers??

Mother Theresa said, "I always begin my prayers in silence, for it is in the silence of the heart that God speaks. God is the friend of silence. We need to listen to God, because it is not what we say, but what God says to us and through us that matters."

Couldn't sleep last night, the after-dinner pot of decaf turned out to be regular. Then this morning I woke up too early...4:30. Before I knew it, I found my tired self on my knees, hands folded, head on the couch. Words wouldn't come...just emotion...just desire for connection...just a sense that taking the time to remember there is a Benevolent Presence breathing with me, that matters. Blissful silence...

I am wondering if all prayers don't come back to this...how can I live my life like a prayer? What would be the most LOVING thing I could do in this moment? If that were our guiding principle, how much better would our world be?

Holding you "in the light." Namaste

Day 31: Hidden Things

Daisy was running circles around me on the deck...watching me put my sneakers on, anticipating a rare evening walk. To her disappointment, Brendan called just as we were ready to head out. I sat back down on the deck and reveled in his stories. Watching the sky darken, I wasn't sure I would be able to fulfill my promise to Daisy and hear all Brendan wanted to share.

To Daisy's delight, I hung up the phone and Malcolm grabbed a flashlight for a jaunt down the road. Rain and a busy schedule have kept us from our walking routine. Purple asters dotted the roadside; goldenrod burst with delight...much more spectacular from this vantage point than whizzing by in a car.

By the time we turned toward home, the sky had changed considerably. We stopped at the top of the driveway and looked up. Off to the right was an orange/pink finale to a spectacular sunset; just above...dark clouds; and to the left clear skies with an occasional wisp of a cloud. Most striking of all, a luminous crescent moon...and a lone, brilliant star.

When we began our journey, we didn't see the moon or the star. Yet it was there all along, simply waiting for the earth to turn just so...dimming the sun's light and revealing their own. If I wanted to, I couldn't have willed the moon and star to shine...they simply appeared in their appointed moment.

Perhaps I could trust all to be revealed in its appointed time. Maybe I could open my heart and eyes to experience more fully all that is in front of me, rather than angsting over what might be or how things "should" be.

I was reminded of a peaceful moment earlier in the day. Relaxing with two wonderful friends, listening to the Philip Newell CD, "Sounds of the Eternal." We ended our time together soaking in the celestial voices chanting, "I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known....I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known."

Is there a place in your life where you are pushing or forcing? Could you truly soak in and believe? "I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known...I will show you, hidden things, hidden things you have not known." Namaste

Day 30: Calm Waters

Leaves on the trees are greener; skies are bluer...sunshine accenting what had been dreary days of dull grey. Even the birds are attacking their seed with new-found zeal. Days of rain give way to glistening sparkles on still water.

Why can't I be still like the calm waters? I was content just a few hours ago...enjoying the day, grateful for interesting work and loving friends. One phone call and I am off balance. The waters outside remain calm, but inside the tempest is growing.

Yet all those things for which I am grateful are still true...I do have a wonderful life, home, family, and friends. How much power do I want to give over to this one issue? To this tiny group of people seemingly holding so many cards?

Breathing in love and support...breathing out fear and frustration...breathing in Truth and Love...breathing out anger and pain...breathing in...breathing out...breathing in...breathing out...breathing...Namaste

Day 29: Your Inner EnCOURAGEr

When I was considering moving to Tokyo, my friend Rhonda selflessly offered, “I think you could live anywhere and thrive.” I was afraid…for Brendan and Kiki living in a large, foreign city; for me, that I would be lonely. Her belief in me helped give me the courage to take a big risk.

While writing Dancing Naked Under the Moon, there were many times when I wanted to stop…mostly because I was afraid the book would not being “good enough.” Malcolm and many others provided support to help carry me. A few in particular, Ina, Terry, and Susan would send notes with soothing words that inspired me, gave me faith that all would be well. I saved those notes and emails and re-read them on days when I was ready to give up.

At times we are called to see the best in others that they cannot see in themselves. This type of support is not mindless praise. Sincere encouragement springs from a well of truly believing in the other.

Last year Kiki played volleyball for a coach who demanded a lot from her “girls.” She expected them to show up on time, give their all, and work together as a team. The girls grew tremendously as individual players and as a team. They made it to sub-regionals, exceeding all expectations for them at the beginning of the season. They also had a GREAT time.

Coach Annette’s encouragement made it safe for them to take risks and grow. When they succeeded, praise was showered upon them. When they made mistakes, Coach used it as a teaching moment, not an opportunity to shame.

Imagine the difference we could make in each other’s lives if we truly enCOURAGEd one another…to make positive changes in our lives, to try something new,….

Perhaps today you could offer enCOURAGEment to someone in need of it. There is no guarantee that your words will plant the seeds of change in another, but it will be sure to make you feel good. And who knows, you may even see your enCOURAGEment bear fruit. Namaste.

Day 28: A Selfish Gift

"...forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against..."

That whole as we forgive those who trespass against us deal can be like pushing a boulder uphill. Praying for forgiveness...piece of cake!

For most of us, when we feel resentment, it resides in our guts. We relive an unkind word...years of abuse...a missed opportunity to be supported, and our solar plexus tightens as if in protection from the pain. But the pain is there, as real as the air we breath; sometimes, all we breath is our pain.

Small transgressions can be easy to forgive, especially when the other party sincerely seeks forgiveness. But the big ones, infidelity, a parent who seemed uninterested/uncaring, a child who steals from his or her own mother, these can take years of hard work to move past. And if the one who hurt us shows no remorse, the challenge is even more difficult.

We can pretend we aren't hurt...bury the betrayal in the backyard of our heart. But every once in a while, something will happen to nudge the bone toward the surface, our resentment triggering cramps in our gut and hardening in our hearts.

Responding to a question regarding the death of her son, actress Jill St. John said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." When we hold on to our anger and hurt, in essence we relive our pain over and over and over again.

Forgiveness is a gift we give...not only to the other party, but also to ourselves.

But how do we truly release and forgive? This can be difficult to say the least. For some of us, it may take years to heal old wounds; for others a moment of grace opens our hearts in a new way. Here are some ideas. I would like to thank Dr. Fisher Humphries as many of these ideas come from attending a class on forgiveness which he led at Beeson Divinity School's Lay Academy.

Name the person/group who hurt you and what they did to you that was unfair. You cannot begin to forgive until you honestly address this issue.

At some point, we have to choose to want to forgive. I remember during my divorce how attached I was to telling my "story." Each time I rehashed the perceived injustices, I could feel my resentment and indignation grow. I wanted others to validate my anger, my pain. I was not working on forgiveness...I was working on being "right." Like an addict who was sick of her hate hangovers, I finally grew tired of my own rants...that was a turning point toward forgiveness.

Choose to do your enemies no harm. Do not be rude to them, gossip about them, or even to believe the worst about them.

Surrender your desire to forgive to God. When I think of all the times I have knocked on God's door asking for forgiveness...truly feeling a sense of forgiveness...when I consider Christ's words on the cross, "Forgive them for they know not what they do," the forgiving I need to do seems less daunting. When forgiveness seemed nearly impossible, I prayed with the INTENTION of one day being able to forgive.

Remember the one who hurt you is a human being making mistakes, possibly hurting too. This does not mean condoning mean or abusive behavior...forgiveness is NOT condoning and it usually doesn't mean forgetting. However, if we can see the "other" as a child of God...understand something about their story, even pray for their well being, we can at least see them in a different light. Perhaps that light will be the path toward healing. A simple mantra is helpful, "May X be happy, be peaceful, know love."

Realize that holding on to the resentment is causing you pain (probably more so than the person with whom you are upset). In his book, Sermon on the Mount, Emmet Fox says, "Setting others free means setting yourself free, because resentment is really a form of attachment....When you hold resentment against anyone, you are bound to that person by a cosmic link, a real, though mental chain."

Seek support, especially if the resentment/anger is causing you to lash out at yourself and others. Find friends, professionals, who want to help you move past your pain. If you find some friends like to "feed the fire" either avoid them or at least talking about the subject. They may seem like they have your best interest in mind, but they may actually be inhibiting your ability to grow past the pain. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength not weakness. Forgiveness is courageous work.

Realize that forgiveness isn't fair. Holding on for restitution or some place of "equal" is a hook that will keep you coming back to the poisonous well. At some point, you will be able to acknowledge the injustice (not justify it), feel a sense of sadness for yourself at having experienced it, and let go of the desire for the other to "make it all better."

Forgiveness does not have to mean actually talking to/meeting with the other. In some circumstances, we might want to offer our forgiveness directly to the other. Sometimes, that is not wise...especially if you will be putting yourself in danger of future harm or if the other person is incapable of "hearing" your apology and their response would only increase your pain. Maybe you can write a forgiveness letter and burn it. Hold some kind of forgiveness ceremony. Offer prayers and then LET IT GO.

Below is a prayer that has been helpful to me. It was written by Dr. Bozarth a therapist and Episcopal Priest.

I bless you
I release you

I let you be
I let me be

I set you free
I set me free.

Forgiveness, a truly selfish gift. Namaste

Book suggestions: Forgive and Forget, Lewis B. Smedes, Sermon on the Mount, Emmet Fox, and Mending the Heart, John Claypool.

Day 27: Come Into Being as You Pass Away

Chanting is at the heart of all traditions. Many Christian churches chant the psalms as part of their service. Tibetan Buddhists chant many prayers, the most recognizable being, "Om mani padme hum," the mantra of Chenrezig, considered to be the embodiment of compassion. Hindus, Muslims, many others...join breath, tone, and intention in an effort to praise, or toward union with God.

I have participated and led retreats where some time was spent chanting. On my own, I have chanted...for clarity, for comfort, to praise. The merging of breath, tone, and intention has carried me away from the chatter inside my head and toward the Silence.

Our Western brains like to "figure out" the way to God. However, it is in the experience where we find glimmers of the glorious Light.

While worried or in pain, I have called on Julian of Norwich's prayer, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." Each time, ease and well being settled in my soul.

Cynthia says, "I can attest to the power of this practice to awaken the heart and support the emergence of the 'unitive imagination.'" "The unitive is that deeper, luminous vision in each of us that can perceive the world as meaningful pattern and synchronicity, that knows how to 'see heaven in a grain of sand.'"

Would you like to give it a try? Here are abbreviated instructions...sit comfortably in silence for a few minutes, choose a psalm, one of the chants below, or something of your own. Create an intention for your time, and begin to chant the material. If you like, you can use a single note for the entire psalm or saying, or you can create a melody if you like. There is no "right" or "wrong" here. However, stillness, intention, and attention are beneficial. If you are chanting one of the phrases below, simply repeat for at least five minutes...longer if you like.

Relax, enjoy, and remember...breath, tone, and intention...the three core elements of the earth.

"Come into being as you pass away." From the Gospel of Thomas
"Om mani padme hum." Tibetan Buddhist Chant for Compassion
"All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well." Julian of Norwich

Namaste
For more detailed instructions I suggest you read Cynthia Bourgeault's, Wisdom Jesus and/or Chanting the Psalms. Also, J. Philip Newell has a beautiful book and accompanying CD with chants, Sounds of the Eternal.

Day 26: Feel the Rain on Your Face

All I wanted to do was stay in bed...we had arrived in Clemson at midnight last night. We are in Tigertown for the football game against Boston College. I love college football. Sitting with Malcolm on one side and Brendan on the other--fabulous...having your team win..even better.

But this morning, I didn't care about cheering in the stands, listening to the bands. I only wanted to S-L-E-E-P! I even toyed with asking Malcolm if he and Brendan wanted to go without me and sell my ticket. Watching the game on the couch with Malcolm's "adopted" parents, Ina and Harry seemed like a great plan.

Thankfully, inertia did not get the better of me. Not wanting to disappoint the boys, I stuck with the plan.

For the first half of the game, grey skies and a light breeze provided unusually comfortable weather for mid-day game in September. After half-time, low clouds dropped their drizzle, prompting the appearance of 70,000 orange ponchos. At first, I was disappointed; who wants to sit in the rain--soaking wet? But then I started to enjoy the feeling of wet drops falling on my face, my legs, anywhere the poncho didn't cover. Awakened by the wet, my skin felt so alive.

Twice the game was delayed because of the lightening...each time for at least 30 minutes. We debated leaving both times and decided we had come this far, so rarely made it to a Clemson game, we would stick it out until the end. If I wasn't with such die-hard fans, I probably would've opted for that comfy couch.

We ran into friends from North Carolina during the second rain delay. Their 81-year old mother was there with them, outlasting fans more than half her age. I was inspired by her "spunk." And not for the first time when encountering an indomitable octogenarian I wondered which came first...the attitude/spirit or the great health.

How often do we protect ourselves from the environment because of...too much humidity...too much sun...too much rain...too much snow...too much cold? If we want to, we can create a reason not be out in the elements nearly every day.

Drenched, wet clothes clinging to me, feet squishing in my impractical leather shoes. I was surprisingly thrilled to be out in the rain. Something about being immersed in Mother Nature's weather du jour stirred the "earth momma" in me. I felt grateful.

The steamy shower back at the house felt pretty wonderful too!

Too often I change plans without fully considering what I might be giving up in veering off course. It is tough to tell the difference between flexibility and "bailing." Today, I am glad that for whatever reason I stayed the course.

I encourage you to reach beyond an initial resistance to "bail"and follow through. If you find yourself running down the road of coming up with reasons NOT to do something...because of energy, or weather, or money, or whatever, give yourself a moment to truly consider, "What would be most life-giving?" Is there a place in your life right now where you aren't "showing up?"

"Unwritten," is a great song by Natasha Beddingfield, you might want to crank up the stereo and jam. My favorite line is "Feel the rain on your face, no one else can feel it for you." May you be soaked! Namaste

Day 25: Shake Your Groove Thing

"Something is different, what have you been doing?" I asked. It wasn't just that my friend seemed more fit...there was a greater sense of joy about her. "Turbo Jam! They are these great exercise videos that combine dancing, kickboxing, sculpting. I just love it!" She replied.

Tired of my same old workout routine, I decided to give it a whirl. This summer, Kiki would pop one of the dvd's in now and then. I mentioned to her that there was something about these videos that were different. We agreed that we found ourselves smiling throughout most of the workout.

The next time I "Jammed," I decided to figure out what was going on. As you would expect, the instructor, Chalene Johnson is perky and encouraging. She also exudes a genuine passion for what she is doing and a sincere desire to motivate. But that is not the most important factor in what makes Kiki and me smile, and creates this sense of joy in my friend.

It is DANCING. Periodically, Chalene will change up the routine and encourage the viewer to "bust a move." I like to do this video when NO ONE is watching and flail my mid-life body around the great room like a teenager on the prom dance floor. Yesterday, during one of the dance routines I circled the entire room with some inexplicable step "waving my hands in the air like I just didn't care." Knowing this same room would be a womb for wonderful women the next day on retreat...I danced with the intention for joy and laughter during their time here.

Most of us have few opportunities to dance...lots of us are self-conscious about our abilities. For over 20 years a group of amateurs have been taking tap lessons in Birmingham. Practices begin each fall and culminate in a wild, bawdy show in April. The house sells out every year! We are meant to dance.

When Malcolm and I would come to the lake house during those early, kid-free weekends we would put on some Harry Connick, Jr. or Nora Jones and hold each other close...the beat of the music, our heartbeats moving through us. Hmmm--we might need to break out those favorites again now that those kids have gone and started their own lives.

Whether it is on your own, in a class, with your love...SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING! Namaste