Tending The Circle

"If we are lucky, in the moment we die there is a circle of people around us who love us. But before that moment, there have been so many who have entered the circle and moved on. People from our childhood when we were little girls...all kinds of people." I listened to my friend share her insightful reflection and considered the implications.

I thought about how when we meet someone, we can only know a small portion of who that person really is because we haven't walked with them...in all those moments...in all those circles. Even close family members and beloved friends can only know aspects of who we were are, what we have experienced, who has entered and left the circle.

Then my imagination drifted off to being in that room and lying on a bed, my closest family and friends at my side. Who would I want there at this, my most vulnerable moment? Who would I want holding my hand? Saying a final "goodbye?" A few of the people who come to mind I have allowed to drift from the circle. I haven't nurtured our relationship.

There are others for whom I am grateful for the time we have had together, and it feels complete. I wish to bless them and release them from the circle. There are some for whom I have unfinished business. A friend I have hurt. A family member I have been angry with. What if we weren't given the benefit of a formal "goodbye?" Would I leave unresolved pain for loved ones to have to deal with?

This concept of people stepping in and out of the circle is intriguing. Sometimes we need the circle to be small, we only have so much energy to give. Right now I am hyper-focused on the precious few moments left with Brendan and Kiki before they leave for college in a few weeks. I am hesitant to fill up my calendar so I can be available for them. Other times we fling our arms open wide, expansively embracing those who come our way.

I want to be more awake, more aware of how I tend to the circle. To nurture and enJOY those who I invite in. To bless and release those whose time it is to go. And to ask for and offer forgiveness. Who knows what the ripple effect could be as my circle touches all of the other circles around me.

Praying Our Desires

"Receptivity only happens in the present moment." Mary Whetsell

My receivers seem to have been out of commission lately. Try as I might, not much new has been cranking.This traditionally idea-flooded imagination is experiencing a drought. What to write about? What kind of programs to offer? Even coming up with new dinner menus is daunting. A lot of the same old same keeps floating around.

Last week I was creating a "personal retreat" for a friend and client. As I pulled together inspirational writings and prayer practices for her day of Sabbath, I explored one of the practices myself--"The Desire Prayer" from Teresa A. Blythe's, 50 Ways to Pray. The instructions are quite simple...state your heart's deepest desire before God...visualize it...let go of specific outcomes...ask how you might assist in fulfilling the desire...give thanks ...reflect...One of the final instructions for the prayer is, "In the days following this prayer, be aware of ways God may be offering you opportunities to live into the desire."

There it was again, the reminder to notice, be awake, pay attention the power of what is happening NOW.

These past few days I haven't experienced any dramatic changes, but I have seen subtle shifts. Conversations that may be pointing in the direction of fulfilling my desire. Opportunities and choices being considered by family members that would support this desire. Unexpected good news freeing up resources. I am grateful for renewed hope and trying to be more gentle with myself.

What is your deepest desire? Can you take some time to sit quietly with God and pray for support to live into this desire? Do you trust your prayer will be answered? Can you follow Mary Whetsell's advice and be receptive to what is? Perhaps even watch your desire unfolding before your very eyes? I hope so, and if so, please let me know so I can be inspired by you!