Tending The Circle

"If we are lucky, in the moment we die there is a circle of people around us who love us. But before that moment, there have been so many who have entered the circle and moved on. People from our childhood when we were little girls...all kinds of people." I listened to my friend share her insightful reflection and considered the implications.

I thought about how when we meet someone, we can only know a small portion of who that person really is because we haven't walked with them...in all those moments...in all those circles. Even close family members and beloved friends can only know aspects of who we were are, what we have experienced, who has entered and left the circle.

Then my imagination drifted off to being in that room and lying on a bed, my closest family and friends at my side. Who would I want there at this, my most vulnerable moment? Who would I want holding my hand? Saying a final "goodbye?" A few of the people who come to mind I have allowed to drift from the circle. I haven't nurtured our relationship.

There are others for whom I am grateful for the time we have had together, and it feels complete. I wish to bless them and release them from the circle. There are some for whom I have unfinished business. A friend I have hurt. A family member I have been angry with. What if we weren't given the benefit of a formal "goodbye?" Would I leave unresolved pain for loved ones to have to deal with?

This concept of people stepping in and out of the circle is intriguing. Sometimes we need the circle to be small, we only have so much energy to give. Right now I am hyper-focused on the precious few moments left with Brendan and Kiki before they leave for college in a few weeks. I am hesitant to fill up my calendar so I can be available for them. Other times we fling our arms open wide, expansively embracing those who come our way.

I want to be more awake, more aware of how I tend to the circle. To nurture and enJOY those who I invite in. To bless and release those whose time it is to go. And to ask for and offer forgiveness. Who knows what the ripple effect could be as my circle touches all of the other circles around me.