Lessons from the Couch

The parish hall was full and lively. Purple tablecloths and dramatic vine-like centerpieces adorned each table. Energy in the room was high, and I was truly enjoying the sense of communion with the congregation. The focus of my talk, the 46th Psalm, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Paradoxically, my outward joy masked the truth that underneath the public facade was one worn-out woman--something even I didn’t realize. In the past few months I had nursed my son back from a serious car accident; put our home on and off the market; traveled to California, Georgia, South Carolina, and Tennessee to facilitate programs, receive training, and say “good bye” to a dying family member. Just that day I had driven over 200 miles, facilitated a wisdom circle, delivered soup for our church’s Lenten supper, presented my “Be Still” talk, and packed for an early morning trip to Colorado. Talk about “teaching what we need to learn!”

When I returned from Colorado I was so sick and exhausted for three weeks I only left the couch to go to the doctor or emergency room. I had lived this story before. Burn out is to me what the “check engine” light is for my Prius--a not-so-gentle reminder that I am in need of service. Underneath all of the running around is the fear that "I am not enough." This time I was buying into the lie that I needed more training, more work, more accolades, more money, more fun.

Ironically, the lessons from the couch are coming into focus on Good Friday. The day that Jesus surrenders fully. The day that he commends his spirit to God. How I want to follow Jesus’ lead, open my hands and my heart and release that which keeps me from fully realizing God’s loving Presence in my life. I would love to let this lie of “not enough” die. After a few weeks of forced “sabbatical” I intend to step back into the world with renewed energy and passion and the hope that I will recognize burn-out’s flickering flame before it reaches full blaze.

Optional Exercise: Take some time to consider the following...
What in your life is creating separation from you and God, yourself, or others? Separation from fully experiencing the fullness of your life?

This is a tricky question for most of us. Perhaps some clues about the thought/belief system/habit/addiction that might be limiting your connection would be helpful.

Take a few minutes and consider the following questions designed to help identify what my be your particular "brand" of stumbling block keeping you from experiencing "wholeness." You may want to record your responses in your journal; or you might just want to be still with the questions and offer them as a prayer for ongoing clarity.

We're probably stumbling around a "block" when we experience a sense of having "been here before.” What is a recurrent “theme” or “story” that you tell yourself when you are stressed, anxious, or angry? (Some common examples are, “I have to do everything.” “I am not worthy.” “I must be perfect.” “No one understands me.”)

Often we attempt to “numb” ourselves with TV, computer, food, alcohol, anything to distract us from our uneasy feelings. What do you “cling” to in times of discord?

When we run into a stumbling block, many times there is negative fallout to ourselves, our relationships, our health. What are the harmful consequences to you and others when you believe/act in this way?

When you have let this thought/belief system/habit/addiction go before, what great learning has come? How could you change your stance to one of open-hearted receptivity and open-palmed surrender?